Are you done ranting about the Wall Project? October 29, 2009

Once upon a time…. (Not at band camp), the BMC of Mumbai woke and decided to let its citizens paint walls to beautify the city. All ages put aside weekend plans and came forward, joined hands and painted in scorching temperatures just so that they could do their bit for their city. Thus the “Wall Project” was christened.

The response was overwhelming which led to phase two. Again, many ages, colors and kinds came forward; even new faces who felt they missed the opportunity the last time to participate came forward. Bearing the soaring temperatures, they toiled hard to ensure, their little wall in a gigantic city was pretty and a piece of themselves, regardless of what they painted.

Less than 24 hours later, social networking site Twitter was in a frenzy over the fact that pending movie releases promoters ( Aladin, Gair, Canvas, London Dreams) had stuck their posters all over a few walls even before the paint could dry.

They raised a hue and cry with users ranting in 140 characters to the actors, directors and so on from these movies . Complaining of disrespect and disregard. A few of these ranters belonged to the media and were quick to print articles and take quotes from disgruntled youth. A few even threatened to boycott the movies altogether.

We were loud enough that a few members from one of the movies apologized profusely and promised to take action. In the meantime a petition was set up to stop such acts of vandalism from happening again.

Now, here’s where I stop the story and put in my two cents. Fair enough we disliked the fact that “our” art could be posted over by some random film posters less than 24 hours of the painting. My issue is, while the film fraternity does have some say in this, how many of you know who sticks these posters up? How many of you know whether the walls in that area are authorized to stick bills or not? How many of you know that they employ young boys as cheap labor and get these children to keep up late nights so that they can make a quick buck by pasting posters?

What are you doing about that? Is it because they are not your concern you don’t do anything? Is it because the film fraternity paid them that the film house should be targeted? While I condemn the vandalization, I do not blame the movie directors, actors or producers solely. I blame the promotion companies, they know where the authorized and un-authorized areas are. I think our film fraternity needs to be stringent with their promoters.

Our business should not be to care whether a bunch of actors came and painted a symbol from their movie on a wall. Our business should not be that they were doing it as publicity. Our business should definitely not be to worry over their TRP’s. Our business should be that unauthorized sticking of posters, bills etc be condemned and stopped.

How hypocritical can we be to say they made this a publicity stunt? Didn’t we take our voices to the media too? Didn’t our friends amongst the media write out stories?

How hypocritical of us to think of maiming the wall painted by the only film crew that offered to help? Arent we just lowering ourselves to that level? Doesnt that take us back to square one?

Why should they inform our producers or directors of the posters that were put up? The issue lies in the promoters hands… All the other directors and producers were definitely accessed by media, they refused to respond, why lash out at the team that did. Shame on you! Who cares what kind of reporters they invited, the stories or their statements would be the same. There are millions of questions unanswered. And we can keep asking them, but then how much are we doing for our community?

Yes, I was present this morning, as Vishal, Shekar, Sujoy, Jacqueline and Ritesh painted that wall. It was insensitive on their part to paint a lamp, and I do not believe they did it without realizing it. But here’s where we stand right now, we created a humdrum about the vandalization, we blamed the film fraternity for “spoiling” our walls and we then ranted when the first available team responded almost instantaneously.  What next? Our issue still stands that posters, bills are being stuck in unauthorized areas.

Earlier this morning, Vishal, Sujoy and Shekhar admitted that such acts are wrong. But they did not stop there, they assured that we can take this movement forward and we will have their support. We will get the leverage we need to ensure such acts don’t “deface” our city.

Now, I’d like to see, how many of you ranters and media people actually take this forward, you have the promise of a fight, you have a petition sent out by Vishal.

WILL YOU ACTUALLY FOLLOW THROUGH? Or once your humdrum of being an angry young man/woman persona is gone so will the cause? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

To the women who make me waste time in restrooms, FUCK YOU! August 7, 2009

This morning as I overslept I dreamt of the weekend that was to be. *sigh* bliss… Then I realised.. Fraack, I’m late! Brushed, Dressed, Left home. And Murphy strikes! I needed to pee. I can’t hold the need. I have to. Last resort… uses a public restroom. *sigh* (not in a good way!) And for all you women who turn your noses up to the nasty smell emancipating from the men’s room, YOU’RE waaaay nastier!!

So the next time you’re going to use a public restroom, stop being a wuss and sit on the fucking seat, seriously. Fucking pussy.

You can’t catch anything serious by sitting on the seat! It has been proved! Unless you can see tiny warts or crabs crawling on the seat, please (and I say it in the nicest way possible) SIT THE FRACCCK DOWN!!!

I mean except for your thighs and a bit of your ass touches the seat.. How many women do you know are sadistic enough to spread their gloop around on the seat? Yea, I guessed as many too.

So, please stop squatting on the seat and spraying like a freaking garden pipe infused with a water divider!! Stop being in denial! You aren’t built like a man! We cannot maintain a Straight shoot! Commodes were built for us… in the bowl like shape! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE USE IT!

It isn’t very comforting to enter stalls that have piss on all the seats! It’s annoying to roll out toilet paper for us lesser mortals as we clean your mess so we can pee like a normal human instead of hob-nobbin on the seat like an epileptic with Alzheimer’s!

This makes me think, if you’re painting the stall with your pee, you must surely get some on yourself! Which, I’m guessing you appreciate better than sitting on a dry seat someone else has sat on! You must be insane. Clinically.

If you are and refuse to sit on the seat, please at least try and behave like a woman and CLEAN THE SHIT UP! No matter how hard it is for your tiny brain, try decency sometimes.

Speaking of which, you’ll are the same bitches that complain about men leaving the seat up! It’s just a single lift! And yet you’ll throw a hissy fit, I agree with them, if you aren’t using the seat put it up like men do! It definitely is easier to get stuff into the pot without dirtying the seat this way! Let’s just be realistic here!

So basically, I wanna pee quickly and get the fuck outta there! And you should be able to do the same! That would make the lines shorter. Men, the reason women take so long in the loo is because either they just pissed themselves while squatting and are now cleaning themselves up OR its poor souls like us wasting time cleaning seats after these nasty whores leave!

So, you mothafucking pussy’s, STOP HOVERING AND SIT THE FUCK DOWN!

Cheers,

M.

Grammar Nazi – Attention! August 3, 2009

So, although this weekend is another blog post in itself, Monday left me with high fever and a bad throat! I was going crazy without work and as many of you know, I turned into the Grammar Nazi that I am and blatantly corrected anyone or anything that came within eye contact!

It also got me thinking on various “lines” of advice that I have been given in the past and although they seemed fancy at the said time, I thought differently! And I needed to rant! (Don’t I always??)

I remember being told as a child to “Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today.” But what happens if I don’t? Why would I want to believe in this, when I know I aint gonna kick the bucket for quite awhile, and if I do, I sure hope it’s quick! And if I had to live everyday with this motto, then who would take into account the million jelly babies I ate? Or the 14000 kegs of beer I just downed, or pay the credit card bill I just exceeded??

So take your stars and fucking shove them where the sun goes down! If I wanted stars, I’d aim for the stars, better yet, knock your lights out! I aimed for the friggin moon!

Also, we’ve all gone through hearing this, at least one time in our lives. I still remember my mom telling me before my first interview: “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have” – Really?? I mean if I were to do that, I‘d be fired, rather than promoted! Hypothetically if I wanted to be Donald Trump, and currently I’m working at McDonalds, it wouldn’t be too sane would it?? You’re not going to get any customers if you’re dressed up as a nurse at the strip club… Ooohh err wait, bad example…

That which doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger – CMON Kanye are you serious? Have you thought about people who’ve survived car accidents? Or Coma?? It would be a different case if the accident causes them to be penetrated by metal rods though! Going forward the quote will then change to “that, which doesn’t kill you, will make for a funny airport scanner story!” And Kanye, unless we are all 50 Cents of the world, who prove that 9 gunshot wounds result in perfect abs,  you need a new song!

“The grass is always greener on the other side” – this one is so fucking clichéd, that it makes me *barf* every time I hear it. (Barf) Maybe cause you don’t take care of your fucking grass! (Barf) It is so overused!! (Barf) Stop complaining about your situation and using a wise ass sickening (barf) quote to back you up! Yes, your penis is small! Yes, your chest is flat! Yes, you are fat! Get over it! And if I’m complaining and this is what you say to me, then you’re a horrible friend! (barf) If I were you, and you were complaining, I’d be chain sawing that fence outta the way so we could smoke…err sit on the greener grass, u git! (Barf, barf, barf)

So, taking all this into consideration – I am going to spend money I don’t have, steal things I don’t need, and–get this–change lanes without signalling while I shoot at your roof, driving through your perfectly mown grass (barf) with a metal plank strapped to my back! Bite me!

She knows. Epilogue. July 21, 2009

She stares into the emptiness of yesterday. It is real. Her heart swells at the realization that everything surrounding her is nothing but a fake disguise.

This is not her. She does not belong here. She knows.

She can’t stop the rain from falling. She can’t stop the tears from falling. She faces dawn with sleepless eyes. She can’t go on. She can’t stop the rain from falling.

She’s wrong. She knows. Stuck inside a dream, love left a bitter taste. She wants to walk away.

She can’t sleep. She can’t breathe. Five hundred wasted dreams wet her eyes. Time will heal. She will breathe again, dream again. Be free again.

The clock sends her back. Her dreams are lost, wrong. She runs. She is pulled down, onto her feet. Landing directly onto reality’s path.  She says goodbye.

She’s lived a lie. It broke her. Killed. Every heart beat drums her loss. She can’t escape, now.

The thoughts of him just fade away. Her heart hides. She is free again, innocent.

Letter to Mom & Dad… i love you… June 6, 2009

Dear Mom and Dad,

I love you. I think I’ve finally realized how much I love you’ll after spending so much time away from the both of you. I remember when I was young and a total rebel and just wanted to go away from you. Now I all I want to be is near you.

Sometimes I’ll suddenly get a whiff of your perfume Ma, and get emotional over it. Dad, there have been many times I’ve smelt your aftershave and cry that you aren’t near me. See two sisters walking hand in hand and wonder why it has to be so hard not to have you near Robby. I am here, far away from you for a reason. To be able to take care of you’ll, to secure a comfortable future for you’ll.

I’ve overcome hurdles when you were near and it seemed like a breeze, being by myself makes it harder. Being myself, reaffirms that I am independent. Being alone makes the darkness blinding. Being by myself brings that future closer. Being by myself makes me feel further away. Being alone makes me love you more.

I’ll never allow anyone to hurt you not even our extended family. You’ll have often been ridiculed, looked down on because we did not do as well as them. But you know what? We have love. Roberta and I love you. We know that you’ll are always there for us, in our good decisions and bad. You let us make our mistakes and celebrate when we are successful.You love us unconditionally and always will. You’ve accepted our quirkiness and faults and love us despite our vices. You make Robby and I grateful that we have you as parents.

There’s a fine line between love and fear. We aren’t afraid to let our voices be heard by the two of you because we know you will ‘correct’ or ‘advise’ accordingly. You give us our wings to fly and spend hours patching up the holes when we’ve failed. You paint the colours of the rainbow when we succeed, and give us your laps to cry in when we’ve failed.

You’ve allowed us to follow our dreams and not push us into careers we don’t want to go into, like others have been pushed into. They are unhappy, they may be rich, but they are unhappy. You do not hide our faults, you make us realize them and adjust accordingly. You know that we aren’t angels. We’ve got relatives who think their narcotic sons and sneaky daughters are unblemished. Maybe they are afraid of the truth. The truth does hurt.

They’ve never liked that Dada married you, Ma and I know in they’re own selfish ways they still make you pay for it. But Ma, after 26 years of marriage you have nothing to prove to them. Stop trying to win them over! After 26 years it’s a pleasure to see Da and you still very much in love and I don’t think we’d grow up better if we had any of the others as our parents. Your marriage is a marriage of love and not convenience like the others. Stop fighting, because Ma, you’ve won, you’ve won the hearts of your children and they’ll never ever measure up to you’ll. If i am as half as happy and you and Dada is, ill consider my marriage a success too.

They’ll never be happy unless their bullying someone else just to boost themselves. Just because you’ll owe one of them some money, you can’t say much, but I vow to that BITCH pay that back. You may have been helped when you needed it but that’s no excuse for being treated the way you are. The secrets they keep, the back biting they do… and then they greet others with “praise the lord.” do they even know the meaning? Do they know they are going to hell? Don’t they fear God? Don’t they have feelings of their own?

Mom, Dad I promise to look after you. I promise to give you everything you have blessed me with in my youth. We will make you proud. We will love you like no other. We will always be there. We will define what a family stands for.

Love, Hugs and Kisses,

Always,

Michelle.