Battle of MY SEXES!!!

Okay so here I am. Most of you already know how much I love being single? And God knows im mingling…but mention the C-word (not CUNT!!) to me and I run cross country!!! But in all honestly are men worth being loved? Science has no answer for that question yet, but they are definitely worth to be laughed at.
There are some things that make a man and give the women cause to mock. Although clever women are the women that mock them without allowing them to see her cynical attitude.

So while most women complain that men are awful, what are they doing about it? Don’t get me wrong, I love my boys!! They’re closer to me than my girls and I relate to them much easier, my mother has always said with my unruly behavior I should have been born a boy!!! But back to the topic, either these women are still complaining or are in relationships with losers!

Just the same, as it’s said about women; that they are constant at only one thing – their inconsistency, the same saying suits men: if a man can never be faithful then at least be faithful to himself in this.
A jealous man is jealous not only because he’s a man of property but also because he loves himself too much to think that a woman could ever find anyone better. With the women it’s the opposite – they are always afraid that a man can find someone better.

A man never talks about love – only about lovers (bastards). A woman likes to talk about men and love but never about being a lover. Also every woman would like to hear “I will love you always” (what pathetic sluts), and every man would prefer to hear about some more definite and definitely shorter terms (Show me love tonight only). That’s also the reason why men love women with a past – he hopes at sometime to become a part of that past.
Men speak of romantic love only in a few cases – his car, his possessions or if he’s unhappy just so that he has an excuse to have sex without committing!
A man respects all things that are worldly and proud with the things he does in the similar way with all other men – drinking, smoking and fucking to reproduce. (Although I understand why; am I similar???)
For a woman one man is enough to say that she’s understood them all (faggotcrap), for a man all the women he’s had are the reason to say that he understands none, still every next one is an attempt to solve the mystery.

The ideal of every normal woman is a gentleman (but finding a gentlemen is as good as saying pigs were originally blue), probably women love the idea that gentlemen go out with blondes (read: virgins) but get married to brunettes (read: sluts). Still gentlemen, the weakest of all men and nowadays nobody can say for sure if there’s any of them left and how do define them.
In my opinion a man is a gentleman if he at least takes a cigarette out of his mouth before kissing a woman.
Also every woman is sure that she’s wiser than any man, that’s why she always knows when it’s time to step back and let a man think that he’s the stronger and the cleverer one. A woman won’t ever loose her head only because of the man’s beautiful legs.
Women pay more attention to really important stuff like credit cards and sometimes character and less to the details of minor importance like age and beauty.
Every woman knows how to use the self-assurance of the man for her own profit – tell him that he can’t or too old to do something and he’ll be on it like a rabbit that’s horny!!! But he’ll still make a ritual of anything he’s doing – haven’t you noticed he always hangs around in the kitchen when it’s you who’s cooking, but if he takes the preparation of the dinner in his hands he can’t stand a person besides him?? Chauvinists!!!

Also women like to talk about heir husbands (like its more important than world hunger or development. There’s this one woman I know who says she’s married to an archeologist because he cherishes the things the more the older they get (what hope, little does she know, its not going to be her!), another says she would have married again if she only could find a very wealthy and not very healthy man (certainly my dream!), one more woman likes to think that the best of all men she didn’t love was her first husband.

Women are always fighting with their discrimination in the man’s world. Men are discriminated too. They can’t have kids. Still no one fights with that. Probably men themselves are just like kids with more expensive toys. Some women are even sure that truly masculine men are the types who behave courageously and childish at one time.

Women are always trying to find a formula for an ideal man, but time after time they come to a conclusion that such a man doesn’t exist and if he did it would be extremely boring to live with him.

Of course women don’t mean everything they say about men, because if they did they couldn’t ever love them, but then again, you can’t live with them, you can’t live without them!!

But do you know why its great to be a women?
*We don’t have to make fools out of ourselves to impress a man.*Our friends don’t pick on us if we aren’t sleeping with anyone.*Men don’t know what our ‘girl talk’ is all about (and I’m not gonna tell you).*We’re all sitting on a gold mine – we know it and use it to our extreme advantage.*We don’t have to drive when on a date.*An ugly woman can use makeup and get a new hairdo to become presentable – ugly men are just fucked!!*Women can use the old “that mark on my neck is from a curling iron burn” line*Women know how fake it*Women look better naked*We know that rhythm doesn’t only pertain to dancing*When women are short, we’re petite, when men are short, they’re just short*Women do less time for violent crime*Women don’t have to worry about not being able to get it up*An oblong vegetable is all we need for a good time any night*Women’s conversations generally consist of more than just “uh huh, yep ok then bye”*Women don’t need an excuse to be in a bad mood*Women never have to see combat*The remote control is not an extension of ourselves*Women are sexier*
When women see a ”caution” sign, they carefully avoid it, while men assume that it was meant for someone else, and come home with broken bones.**Women characterize the first date, by seeing how you act and eat. Men check to see if you can name at least one football, basketball or baseball star.**When a women is pregnant and craves pickle and mustard sandwiches, the man groans and wines until they remind him that you are the one having the baby HERE! But when the man craves a six pack, she diligently goes to the store and returns five hours later with a romantic movie.*Women can stand to be wrong, while men make excuses about ”misunderstanding” and some how it is always the women’s fault.*When a man attends a concert, he whoops, yells, shrieks and snorts,
while he gobbles down anything he can get his hands on. While women enjoy the show while dancing and socializing with friends.*When women stay in the bathroom for over 45 seconds, men assume that something is wrong, and walk in to examine.*Women understand about privacy, and don’t come in until 2 hours have passed.*Women understand that babies do not come from a stork.*When in a hospital, women will share all emotions. While men, being the ”tough” guys that they are, will ”stay calm” until someone finally notices that he has wet the chair he is sitting in.*Women love to help. Men feel you want commitment when you ask to do the dishes..

But im no man hater!! Here’s why I love my boys…

*They’ve got that comfortable place on their shoulder that’s perfect for snuggling into while we fall asleep.*They’re at peace with their bodies, except for maybe some minor anxiety over height, weight, and baldness.*They fall in love so hard, once they finally fall.*Bravery around snakes, water bugs, bats and flat tires.*Their unapologetic lust for a nice hunk of beef or chocolate cake.*Their ability to solve problems simply by throwing a ball around.*The glimpse you get, when they wear their baseball cap backward of their inner Little Leaguer.*How tender they get when they cry, and how seldom they do it.*What they lack in talk, they tend to make up for in action.*They make excellent companions when driving through rough neighborhoods or walking past dark alleys.*They really love their moms. They remind us of our dads.*They don’t mind accompanying a woman to a party even though she looks like a movie star and they look like the chauffeur(which is more often than not).*Their near-endless appetite for discussing the ins and outs of work and money – ours as well as theirs.*Their genuine ardor for tinkering with toilets, changing oil and assembling gas grills – jobs any intelligent woman can do but would be nuts to volunteer for.*They never care what their horoscope, their mother-in-law, nor the neighbors say.*They rarely lie about their age, their weight, or their clothing size.*How awestruck they are in the face of a homemade cookie.*How great their hands look holding ours.*Their face is a treasure to behold when they give us a present they picked out.*Their ignorance is usually amusing.*They give great hugs*Though they often try to hide it, they’re very tenderhearted and caring.*They have an uncanny ability to look deeply into our eyes and connect with our heart, even when we don’t want them to.*They don’t care whether colors match, but are willing to be concerned if we want them to be.*They give us a peek at the little boy inside when they get sick or happy or hurt.
So YES im a fucking bunch of contradictions…but im perfectly fine with it!! Any man who’s interested just has to deal with it!!!


3 thoughts on “Battle of MY SEXES!!!

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