Clarity

Had the best Easter weekend ever! And what I have come to notice is that sometimes boys are truly in tune with a woman’s feelings and sensitivities. So although yesterday was hard to grapple with the fact that my boy just spent the weekend with me and he was now home, it had to be done. It turned a rather ‘blue’ Monday into a GLOOMY blue Monday and looks like an even “bluer” Tuesday.

Radiohead’s “Creep” is playing on loop in my head! (I wish I was SPESHSHOL, so fucking SPESHSHOL), and I have decided to pass my “cheeriness” onto all of you today. Yes, I am fucking nice to all of you… please take my happiness and rub it in your faces!! On a happier note, I actually wanna make you smile, so in turn you can comment positively at the end of this post and in return perk me up!

For those of you men who wonder, what it is to make my boy “speshshol” read on… I am not innocent of nagging here and I usually get into fits of rage, but he calms me down in the cutest way and his pretence of being silly makes me guffaw, ever so often!

Below are a few insights into making a women tock… lists have already been made on “what makes a women tick”!!

1. Nothing is sexier than a man comfortable in his own skin. Even more so if he finds our flawed bodies perfect. Brownie points if he doesn’t make a repulsive face.

2. All women have liked Backstreet Boys / Nsync / Westlife at some point in their lives. I was a Westlife Wannabe. I planned a future around “Mark” and his dreamy blue eyes. They’re all pretty.

3. We hate that you get called a “player” when you are a player. We get called “sluts”!!

4. Passionate musicians make our knees weak.

5. It’s a tough role to play when we’re juggling a full blown career as well as trying to be a girlfriend or wife. Cut us some slack every now and then.

6. We spray our cleavage with deo. If we like you, we wear a skirt to pass a subtle hint and chances are we have also sprayed the backs of our knees.

7. We hardly ever take time in the loo. It’s the other women that do!

8. We all have a flirting system. Pay attention and you will find it.

9. We know the power of our breasts and we aren’t afraid to use them!!

10. Most of us can’t cook a proper meal. You’ll be “awesum” to us if you can!!

11. Most guys that we’re attracted to, mentally and sometimes psychically is because you are a lot like our dads. Creepy, I know but it is a fact.

12. But we won’t tell you that, and if you, even accidently, compare us to your MOM, we WILL run!!

13. The clitoris is not a toy.

14. We’re almost always judging you, if we think you are a potential romantic prospect that is… if not then you may act however you want to!

15. That thing we do, that you like? It’s not spontaneous! We’ve probably practiced it a million times, perfected it with inputs from our girlfriends, albeit drunk.

16. Like hustling, we are genetically engineered to bargain and reduce prices from 5% to 10%

17. We are also unhappy that boys get off being stronger psychically rather than mentally.

18. It can be sexy though.

19. Looks aren’t really important to us and we’ve told you that a million times. Accept reason one million and one: all we really want is a good boy with a golden heart.

20. You’re not cute when you’re drunk.

21. You are however cute, when WE’RE drunk!

22. We really like to know what you boys think of, when you do think.

23. Most of us want kids. Even the ones who say they don’t. We just don’t know it yet. But then a few of us really don’t. Go Figure!!

24. All women are multi-faceted and can multi-task. It’s just that we don’t believe in showing off.

25. Although we have a tough shell image all we want to be is loved. And sometimes lusted for!

26. Sometimes we only want to be lusted for.

27. While in the nookie, if you noticed unshaved legs or armpits, granny panties, it’s so you won’t think we’re sluts when we sleep with you.

28. We know when you’ve been bad. It’s true.

29. We aren’t peeved or opposed with the idea of kissing other women. We like to tease you.

30. And finally, if you think that you can get away with sleeping with our friends and us not finding out about it. Oh, we will know. And we will gossip about the size of your penis and if you were unusually selfish and greedy in bed, we will compare it to bigger ones we’ve seen.

Disclaimer: Please remember that I am generalizing and this is to be taken with a dash of humour.

We haven’t seen a lot of big dicks. Not in real life anyway.

Boys you’ll are welcome to make your lists!!

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6 thoughts on “Clarity

  1. Pingback: Midnight angst: On the Sexual Need! « MUSEPAPER

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