I was going to write you this letter a long time ago, but you know how lazy I am, don’t you? Duh, you do cuz by now you are a brilliant 14 year old still trying to make your sisters life miserable. Also those huge platform clogs you wear – STOP! They’re ugly as hell and make you look like an invalid!
Start drinking a lot of water, even though I know you hate it. It’ll make you keep the weight off and not worry about finding clothes like I do now. Keep with the reading, those books will grow into an obsession and keep you out of trouble.
Don’t believe anything Jackie or Gwen or any of the more popular girls tell you, they’re all liars and sleep-a rounds. You are perfect the way you are. Plus, when you are older you’ll realize how ugly they really are. Jackie with her platypus feet and Gwen with her bunny ears.
Take good care of your hair; you will miss its straightness when it starts to frizzle in the Mumbai heat. Don’t pick up that cigarette James offers you; it’ll be a hard habit to kick.
Also don’t worry too much about your failed relationship with Velroy; he will come back, albeit 9 years later. Stay away from Najeeb and gang, those boys are T.R.O.U.B.L.E. You will meet some fine boys after that but don’t fall too easily, they will just drain your energy and suck your excitement away.
When Velroy does eventually come back, be nice to him. You will come to respect his love and understand his actions. You will also find out that you were better friends than lovers.
STAY AWAY FROM SUSHIL.
He will be the biggest cheater you will ever meet. Also from a whore called PEARL. She will make your life miserable with her misery. This particular time in your life will be stressful, but you will get out of it. Don’t side with Pearls insecurities, she is a lying, conniving whore who tried to ruin a boy’s like, know that she can do the same to you. Sushil will cheat on you and lie to you all through your relationship. Break up with him the night he doesn’t show you his phone when you notice a message from a certain slut in Kerala, trust me, it isn’t his Grandmother messaging. Listen to your sister. Although he will give you money, use him and lose him.
Prepare yourself for a real good boy to walk into your life a year later. You willexperience happiness again.
Do not let your sister run the shaving blade over your shin! It will destroy your non-hairy legs and force you to keep it up for the rest of your life. But at the same time, don’t fight with your sister, don’t feed her onions or drink her milk, DO NOT PUSH HER FROM THE BALCONY!! In the next few years you will be separated from her and you will miss her like crazy.
Don’t worry too much about school; you’ll ace your board exams better than some show off relatives who push their children. However don’t believe them when they tell you that Mangalore is mini-Mumbai. You will live to regret it! Stay back with Mom and Dad, they are your only rocks! They will love you and your faults no matter what!
Love your shoes; they are the only things that will fit you no matter what. Learn to Relax, learn to take a joke. Challenge your teachers more, they will love you for it and hate you too. You will keep them on their toes.
Something’s that will never change about us is our ability to hang on to our beliefs and our neediness to learn. Stop being rebellious, some people really care about you.
But you know what girl; you’ll turn out just fine. You’ll also learn that most women are weird and desperate, but you will also meet the kinds that aren’t and you will form lifelong friendships.
You will be happy.
You will be alright.
Your 24 year old self.