This was a post written somewhere last month that I saved somewhere and did not find till this evening! I wrote it at a time when I was completely depressed and did not know what to do. No one could tell my depression, I put on a mask and shrouded myself with being sarcastic and indulging in lame humour.
I hate that I can pull of fake laughter and no one will get it, not even those closest to me. But life does fall apart and it does put me down. And it hurts when it kicks you in the nuts, even if you don’t have a pair.
But then sitting in my solitude, I decided to be thankful for life’s little moments. Everyday stuff that makes you smile, or seems funny in hindsight. And after I was done, it didn’t seem so bad anymore. I’ve inherited my dad’s genes of being a trooper, so I just sucked it up and went on with life.
So as I sat there, I remembered how many of us sniff our armpits to check for body odor. While that is okay, why do we do it in public view? In front of everyone, and then pretend we were stretching or reaching behind when we get caught. It’s funny.
Or trip up in public and then pretend like we were jogging or suddenly thought of a brilliant dance move. It doesn’t make you look like a jock or an amazing dancer. People will laugh anyway, why not fall and just make them laugh anyway?
How about the time, you’re standing up against the bar, acting suave and all that and the hottest person waves at you while walking towards you. Yea, you have that “I’m going to get lucky tonight” feeling, until he/she turns away 2 feet short of you and hugs the person she waved at. If there are friends around you, it can be embarrassing. More so, when you try to salvage the situation and walk up to a random person and try to make conversation. Solution: Never look anyone in the eye, it avoids strangers asking you for directions too. Mighty helpful.
Related: Someone catches you talking to yourself. There is no PROPER way to save face for this. You can’t sing or hum. You will just seem retarded. Also please let me know if you find a way to save yourself when someone walks into the room and catches you talking to yourself, saying “My god! (so and so’s) penis is huge!”
Or when walking up stairs in the dark and you aren’t entirely sure when you’ve reached the top but decide to lunge for that step anyway? Funny shit, I always end up doing it and stubbing my toes. I’m uncertain if doing that going up the stairs or down the stairs is more painful. Or funnier, when you get to the bottom, you do that feel-in-the-dark thing with your foot… but if you are like me, you just take the step anyway and land on your knees!
How about the time, you’re at a party and you’re trying to tell you’re best friend about the boy that slept with you and was being an asshole. The music is so loud, you need to yell. Just when you shout “ (Insert appropriate jerk name here) has the smallest penis ever!!” the music stops, silence settles and all eyes are on you. Pity if (insert appropriate jerk name here) is also at the party.
And someone please tell me, what are we to do about wedgies, I bunked that class in school. Is there a set protocol? I’ve searched and googled and yahooed (the search engine, not exclamation!) and failed miserably. I guess WE REALLY ARE ALONE on this one. Either you be yourself and just go ahead and pick it out of your ass, or jiggle a little and hope it “wedges” its way out on its own, magically. OR do what I do – Don’t wear any underwear.
There’s so many more small things we tend to overlook, just because we get embarrassed and what not, but the truth is, it’s the small things that matter. For me, they do.