Another year, another year older.

I am in my early 20’s, soon to be over the other side in a couple of years. I’m not the responsible type that the world expects from me today. I am passionate about my career, work hard at everything I do and spend most of my walking life trying to make my mark on the world that does not include a carbon footprint. But it is not my time to be successful yet.

I cannot buy luxuries without letting go of another need for that month. I cannot go food shopping and just pull out everything off the shelves. It will be years before I can purchase anything from Home Store or Atmosphere without redoing my budget. No, it is not my turn yet.

I can’t rent a car without worrying about insurance and I can’t buy one as I would have to worry more. I am lodged in “irresponsibility limbo”. My parents can’t bail me out of difficult situations, neither can my savings. I don’t have savings.

I can not apply for “a loan” because I’m sure I won’t get the amount I want and even if I do, I don’t want to be “alone” when I go delinquent on my payments. Not that I will. It’s still the time, where soup is the main course of my meal. I am okay living in my 2-bedroom apartment, although I’d rather stretch out in front of a larger 3 bedroom apartment, with a beautiful view. But it is okay, it’s not like I can afford the furniture. It isn’t my time.

I look at friends and colleagues around me who are several years older, what with their bank balances and wonderful jobs and party lifestyle and that encourages me. Some of them still have the problems I do and that frightens me. If there was a way to know that everything would be okay 5-10 years down the line, I would be fine. But there is a chance that it won’t, that and the poorly insulated windows is what keep me up at night.

The real reason why drinking is allowed at 21 is because the years out of college when all these thoughts occur, they are best remembered if they are NOT remembered. Employers had the habit of employing based on experience rather than ability. So it was a dog-eat-dog world skimming for that first job. But I had hardened myself. I was eating soup near poorly insulated windows, remember?

So yes, once I move past this situation, it then goes onto be a struggle with a husband, kids, and a house. And then educating the kids on the struggle they have to go through. The cycle continues.

Writing this post, I wanted an outlet for all my fears and support those going through the same, and those who are preparing themselves for it. Funnily enough, my struggle doesn’t lie with my career, my social circles or my soup, my struggle was with my inability to accept that it wasn’t my turn to be successful yet. This is my time to struggle and work hard, and sacrifice and save while I still have the ability to do it. And then patiently wait for my turn.


5 thoughts on “Another year, another year older.

  1. Just like you draw inspiration from friends and colleagues who are older, I do too. I’m 20, waiting to be 25-26, independent with my own bank balance and freedom to buy a pair of shoes when I want instead of waiting for permission from parents. Chill at night after a hard day’s work without having to worry about curfews and deadlines.
    Grass is always greener on the other side. I’m sure when I’m 25, I’ll be impatient to be somewhere else.

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