So another ex is getting married. Honestly, another one bites the dust.
I’m one of those individuals who doesn’t get why people can’t be friends after a relationship has died. Thankfully a few of my ex’s get that and I’m pretty good friends with all of them barring 2-3.
Here’s how I see it. So what if the relationship went to hell. At my age nothing is serious. So even if we said forever, we KNOW it’s not going to happen. Sometimes if you’re lucky, it does. But here’s the thing; I live in the future. Sometimes you are a part of it and sometimes you aren’t.
Sometimes you’re good for that person, but not as a lover. People make you happy, but they aren’t always lovers. If people went by that notion, then I’d be prolifically bi-sexual since I was 12!
That being said, for me a relationship is more than just the romantic bit, it’s about the friendship, about the compatibility to be together in good times and bad. It is an eternity of fights, happy times and the in-betweens. And you never truly know someone till your first fight.
And although many of my relationships have ended badly, the boys have come back, because they know that we may not connect on that romantic/sexual level but we do connect on the most basic qualities of a relationship; Understanding. They know I’m an ex-girlfriend they can talk to about ANYTHING. They know I’ll never judge or be shocked or disdain. They also know that when I do react with disdain or shock it’s for something I see from my point of view and usually they agree and see it from my perspective.
And when I eventually do fall in love, I become vulnerable. I can say I love you and not always mean it, but when I mean it, you will know. And when I fall in love, I become inscure. Insecure because they have been exposed to that vulnerability, they have me wrapped around that little finger and any emotion I experience is experienced with a 1000 times intensity. Don’t believe me? ask the current boy I’m seeing.
Usually in relationships, I am cold and unforgiving and detached. That’s just the way I am. I am not jealous or possessive. I have been dumped numerous times for being uncaring, but it’s not that I am. I just give him his freedom. Now I’m digressing.
They always come back, they know I’m special. I never said I was modest. They know I am a better friend that a girlfriend. But the thing is sub-consciously I knew they weren’t the one for me, however, today I know I have found him. He is my person. The One.
So yes, I cherish that my ex’s are still a part of my life… and that I’m sometimes such an integral part of theirs. It’s not so bad if you think about it, maybe it was never meant to be and maybe, just maybe you are a better friend than a lover and there’s nothing wrong with that.