On the next wave out…

Delhi seemed like the ideal city, it had the food, it had the charisma and it had the boy I loved. Love. I was drifting away and I needed the move to feel closer. My biggest reason for moving was him. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not but I know everybody needs to do something crazy once in their lives for the one they love. This is my crazy.

Now when I think about it, I’m an idiot. There are a million other ways to show love and I chose the wrong one. I don’t understand why I am here and what it is I am meant to do. My life has lost direction, I have lost feeling.

I dislike waking every morning and changing into clothes and going out. It pains my heart. It doesn’t matter where I work or the job I do, what matters more to me is being happy wherever I am and this is certainly not the place.

In the past, new situations, new challenges used to excite me and make me want to be the best at whatever I did. Today, it’s the complete opposite; I don’t have the will for anything. Sometimes wasting my life away as a hobo seems more appealing. If this is what quarter life crisis feels like then I may die when I turn 50.

I’ve also been affected very personally by someone who has gone out of her way to be intentionally mean. It broke my heart; it destroyed my confidence and made me feel insignificant to this world. Sometimes happy people around me annoy me. Infectious laughter is like loud noises through a hangover.

I don’t want to meet new people, I don’t want to meet old people. I don’t want to look at the bright side of things, I don’t want to sit in my negativity. I don’t want to be lonely, I don’t want people in my face all the time.

Thankfully, someone said something extremely important to me last night and therein lies my hope.

” ON THE NEXT WAVE OUT “

On the Next Wave out... for sure.

Because I have to and not because I want to. This is the first major regret / mistake my lifetime has seen. Somehow, i’ll trudge on through. He got me to it, He’ll get me through it.

Until then, I’ll suck it up.

 

 

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5 thoughts on “On the next wave out…

  1. Its amazing how this city, with all its fabulous sights and sounds, still manages to suck your soul dry. Try as one might, sometimes we just don’t belong. Can’t belong.
    Guess you aren’t the only one riding that next wave out.
    Hang in there. x

  2. I know the challenges of living in a new city with new people around, but the thought of coming back to the old place will always take you through…

    You are most welcome…whenever you decide, we will wait for you with open arms 🙂

    Cheers to life and god bless!

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