My mother always told me that trouble never comes alone.
I moved from Bahrain to India for a lot of reasons. I wanted to be independent but i didnt realize i was already independent. I wanted to run away from a boy but i didnt realize i was running into the arms of a boy who would eventually run away from me. I wanted freedom, I didnt realize that I was setting myself up for failure.
I have given up. Given up on me. Given up on life. Given up on hope.
I return back to Bombay in 5 days, I don’t have a place to stay until i find an apartment. And once i find an apartment, I dont have the money to pay for it. Not that I won’t but the current organization i’m working for won’t give me the full and final settlement until the end of the month.
So no apartment, no place to crash until i find said apartment, no one will help me with Nemo, my dog. Something tells me I’m screwed.
I have surgery. Which i keep delaying for weeks because I cant afford it. Which is okay be me because the side-effects of taking 18 tablets a day isnt so bad.And INR 70000 is not a small amount.
So, here, I am, sending out a message to the universe, please help. Please show me signs, show me kindness, show me hope. For all the friends who needed me, needed money, needed a place to stay, needed food, show me hope that there other individuals who’ll reach out to me.
If you’re reading this and you can, please do.
I am tired of this life because for 3 years ALL i have done is struggle and while it’s okay for your strength to be tested, I am about done. Suicidal hate comes easy. I can write ballads about it.
My mother told me trouble never comes alone.