Just a girl… looking for help and hope.

My mother always told me that trouble never comes alone.

I moved from Bahrain to India for a lot of reasons. I wanted to be independent but i didnt realize i was already independent. I wanted to run away from a boy but i didnt realize i was running into the arms of a boy who would eventually run away from me. I wanted freedom, I didnt realize that I was setting myself up for failure.

I have given up. Given up on me. Given up on life. Given up on hope.

I return back to Bombay in 5 days, I don’t have a place to stay until i find an apartment. And once i find an apartment, I dont have the money to pay for it. Not that I won’t but the current organization i’m working for won’t give me the full and final settlement until the end of the month.

So no apartment, no place to crash until i find said apartment, no one will help me with Nemo, my dog. Something tells me I’m screwed.

I have surgery. Which i keep delaying for weeks because I cant afford it. Which is okay be me because the side-effects of taking 18 tablets a day isnt so bad.And INR 70000 is not a small amount.

So, here, I am, sending out a message to the universe, please help. Please show me signs, show me kindness, show me hope. For all the friends who needed me, needed money, needed a place to stay, needed food, show me hope that there other individuals who’ll reach out to me.

If you’re reading this and you can, please do.

I am tired of this life because for 3 years ALL i have done is struggle and while it’s okay for your strength to be tested, I am about done. Suicidal hate comes easy. I can write ballads about it.

My mother told me trouble never comes alone.

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5 thoughts on “Just a girl… looking for help and hope.

  1. You usually write posts that give me hope, which is why I was shocked at reading this… Although i can’t do much to help, I’d just like to tell you to hang in there… I know it’s hard to believe but I do understand how hopeless and dejected you’re feeling…. but please keep faith in God and I really hope some help comes your way soon.

    Please don’t give up.

  2. Dude my mother got breast cancer last year. And my sister had the worst pregnancy, even according to her hep doctor with 22 years of experience. You’d think god would cut me some slack but then my boss screwed me over so I wilfully left a job and have been making ends meet through freelancing. And yes my health screws me over more than my exes so I awaiting some test results with more bad news. Oh and by the way, the last company has still not paid my dues and I can’t sue them. I am broke. But suicide is not the list. My liver is telling me to slow down on the booze though.

  3. Hey I follow very few blogs, one is yours. All will get well, just hang in there. When you are forced to kneel down by life, just kneel down and believe me you are in the best position to pray. have belief. I’m also just recovering from a broken relationship and other bad tastes in life. I know how hard it is to handle it alone. But I tell you, when look at it all back 5 years down the line, everything will look small and the dots shall connect.

    I will also pray in for you.

  4. M, I wish I could do more to help. 😦 You’re miles & miles away & I can’t reach over to give you a hug or a couch to sleep on. Please know that I am praying for you & loving you from a distance… I hope you see waves of kindness & grace in your life soon. You deserve all the love & happiness in the world. I hope this time of emptiness allows your heart to overflow with joy when it gets filled again.

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