Heart on a sleeve

I’m one of those girls you know who looks like she’s got it all sorted. Like no one can mess with her and she doesnt give a shit about anyone. I’m one of those girls who seems pissed off at the world and someone who won’t let ANYONE walk all over her. Someone who doesnt know what feelings are and what a beating heart must feel like.

You’re probably right.

You also probably don’t know me well enough.

Florida, 2007

I’m one of those girls that worry about what her friends think of her. A girl who has 3 friends by her last count. A girl who seemlessly goes from gloom to bloom. Who can make you believe that the world is her oyster. Of loneliness.

I’m of those girls who sits alone in coffee shops pretending she’s a rich, foreigner sitting at an unknown location hiding from the mafia. A girl who pays for her ‘coffee-for-two’ and drinks both cups.

I’m one of those girls who craves happiness. Who knows love because she learned it from the people who hurt her. Who feels pain because that’s the only way she ever learned to emote. I’m one of those girls that doesnt regret all the bad that has happened to her, i also don’t let it define me.

I’m one of those girls who stands at the door of the train allowing the wind to blow through her hair as she pretends she’s in a music video, a girl who walks to the beat of her own drum. A girl who doesnt mind the solitude but checks under her bed every night for loneliness lurking in the shadows.

I’m one of those girls who revels in the glory of living alone, walking around without clothes because of the security an empty house gives her. A girl who is uncomfortable in her own skin otherwise. A girl who can have long conversations with you on phone but not make sense.

I’m one of those girls who doesnt believe in love anymore because it takes too much effort but also loves to hear a beautiful happy ending. A girl who indulges in flings and random boys because the knowledge of no commitment excites her. A girl who believes the possibilities are endless.

I’m one of those girls who doesnt judge, mostly because she doesnt know how to. Who accepts who you are. A girl who if you wronged her once will not forgive you or forget even if she pretends everything is okay. A girl who is a contradiction. Who is possessive of her friends and the people she cares about.

I’m one of those girls who can see past your agendas and know when you’re trying to fuck her over and lets you do it, regardless. I’m one of those girls that are generous with their affection. Who loves to love you.

I’m mostly a girl who will love you unconditionally because everyone deserves to be loved. Who will not give you chances but will make the one you currently have worthwhile.  Who will write you letters with a pen and mail them to you just to let you know she’s there.

My heart is on a sleeve that sieves.

The image from this morning that prompted me to write.

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4 thoughts on “Heart on a sleeve

  1. There’s this one friend of mine who’d said that life is so easy for me and he’s actually even jealous that everything goes good for me. Just because I don’t always tell everyone about the shit in my life, does that mean I’ve never suffered from heartache or pain? *sigh*
    “I’m one of those girls who can see past your agendas and know when you’re trying to fuck her over and lets you do it, regardless. I’m one of those girls that are generous with their affection. Who loves to love you.” Same pinch.
    xo

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