This year and the end of last has mostly been about friendships for me. Luckily as I sit here and write this post i have finally found what it means to find people you’re comfortable enough to cry one minute and laugh hysterically with the next. Where it’s completely okay to be scared, nervous and weak but also be their strength, their hope and their courage when you know they need you.
Last year i was fortunate to come across two women who i still love dearly but we’ve had a falling out. But that’s okay because the friendship made me stronger. It was a break-up that brought us together and in a moment of weakness for one of us, i found strength. In a moment of laughter i found friendship, i found love. But i also learned a lot, friendship isnt about one individual, it’s about all of us. Together.
Friendship isnt about how you’re lonely and how no one wants to be with you. It isnt about the opposite sex. It isnt about romance. Friendship isnt about one person all the time. Friendship is about holding hands, holding dreams and running with them.
So although i loved them to death, i don’t understand the need for friends to whore for attention when you’re with your inner circle. You’re important enough to be a part of an unconditional circle, why demand to be the alpha male? Or even the need to try and influence one friend about the other, how emotionally insecure can one person really be? Friends are supposed to help each other grow, support, and form an backbone for a lifetime of memories.
I lost the concept of BEST friends years ago, when that friendship gave me enough reason to never go back to the city i was born and grew up in. So no, i don’t have best friends and i often flit from group to group so as to maintain my sanity and not get too involved. I never get attached to ANYTHING.
But today, I have strength, understanding and love from friends that make friendship easy. They help me understand that friendship isnt a competition and it shouldnt be difficult.
I’ve struggled with difficult friendships. With friends who demand time, importance and priority. I am usually a hermit and love spending time on my own. I hate demands. Which will probably explain why i dislike relationships too. I’ve also dealt with immature friendships. You know the ones who try hard to be your friend just to make another friend jealous and then go back to said friend once the other has apologized or whatever. Im not sure if that even constitutes as a friendship. Even worse when someone you consider part of your inner circle bitches all his/her other friends out to you and has contempt for them so deep, you need to calm them down. But a week or two later, they seem fine with ALL their friends. They allow you to form an opinion of these people and then confuse you when they’re best friends again. WHATTHEFUCK. (Ps. Stay away from these types because if they’re bitching out people they’ve known for years, they’ll do the same to you and people who don’t even know you will form an opinion of you)
But as of right now, in this moment, I have friendship. Friends too. And i hope at some point in your lives, you get over yourselves and have some friends too.
“It’s takes courage to grow up and become who you really are” – e.e. cummings