The Void is gone

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t look at myself in the mirror,

a day that I don’t hate myself for the way I look

a day that I judge the choices I made

a day that I regret what I eat

a day that goes by that I wish I looked different

but then I stop and wonder and wonder and wonder

Wonder why I feel the way I do about things that can not be changed

For free.

Wonder why I don’t love what I should be loving

or proud of what I should be proud of

Why cant I see the ability I have to make you laugh

or cry

or the ability to make you miss me

or hate that you aren’t with me

You made me

You made me think about all the pretty women

and wonder why I wasn’t one of them

Why I picked up beauty magazines that made me feel ugly

while I stuffed the void in my face that would fill up my confidence

The void that I used to hide with self-degredation and hidden mutilation

The void that made me ashamed of my dark skin

or ashamed because I wasn’t perfect for you

But I am

I am perfectly fine

I am perfectly intelligent to the best of my abilities

Perfectly fortunate to now see the love, the joy, the happiness that life brings

because you are not here

Perfectly made for myself and not for anyone else

Perfectly comfortable in this imperfect skin

because it is the canvas on which my lessons are taught

The canvas on which I will tell my children stories

The canvas on which lies innocence which you took away from

The canvas I believed was ugly because you told me so

The canvas in which a new canvas entwined and wove new stories

He told me I was more beautiful than the sun

Brighter than anything he has ever seen

But I didn’t believe him

I didn’t need to

The void was gone.

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3 thoughts on “The Void is gone

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