Why.

If I had the chance to tell you what you don’t mean to me, I wouldn’t do it.

Mostly because you mean so many good things to me.

I’d take the earth of its axis and put it into your hands

So your fingers could trace the contours of land and know what it feels like to be lost

I’d paint pictures of happiness on the palms of your hands

So even when you close your eyes to cry, you are reminded of good things

Because I have you etched in the palm of mine

If I had the chance to go back in time, I would trust in your friendship and not let you down

Because I let pillows cushion your fall but I didn’t need to bend your knees

I’d let your strength shine through my weakness into the depths of my understanding

And let your smile heal my heart

If I had the chance to change it all, I wouldn’t change a thing

Because in your thoughts and your heart and your happiness

I found friendship

A friendship I didn’t know existed, A friendship plagued with fear because

One wrong move could end it all, just like this knife at the corners of my wrists

Staying still as droplets of blood form patterns of hurt around the ringlets of regret

If I had the chance, I would do nothing differently because in my moment of weakness

You chose your moment of weakness

In my moment of insecurity and fear

You felt insecure

The bottom of this glass filled with regrets has but only one.

I should have told you but I didn’t

It didn’t need to hurt you but it did

Perhaps, I’ll never really know what went wrong but just like a broken relationship

Between a man and woman I am an outcast

Not a victim by any measure

 

For someday when you understand me, you will know the things I did

For someone who needed me to be wrong so that I could help them

For someone who didn’t have a treasure like you

Who didn’t know that laughter was this beautiful

That the incessant quiver from your belly in joy is because of deep rooted happiness

Between you and I

That the softest touch is delivered by the roughest palms

That the bluest skies are formed by the twinkle of your eye

That every time the world kicked her down, there was some one like you to pick them up

I picked her up

Placed her on the small of my back and arched her out into the world

And while she soaked in the sunshine, I hid in her shadow of lies and contempt

But I stand

 

And perhaps you’ll never understand it

Perhaps you’ll never know why

But right here in this moment

In this one… slow… hurtful… fearful moment,

I stand for you.

 

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2 thoughts on “Why.

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