Who died and made you king of Twitter?

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Yes, the title is part of a Sara Bareilles song that I was obsessed with for a while. But this isn’t about my atrocious taste in music that I love.

This is about Twitter. And why I’ll tweet the way I want. And you can judge all you want. Just don’t tell me. I don’t question you, you don’t question me, capisce? No? Ok, you brought this on yourself.

1. I’ve been on Twitter for close to 5 years now and there are no less than 203949992 definitions of what Twitter is. But to me, its just an online space where I can say what I want to say and exactly how I want to say it. I try to offend as few people as possible but you cant please all the people all the time. I try, though.

 2. On Twitter AND my blog, I am me. Who I want to be. This isn’t a collective effort so I’m sorry (Well, I’m not really) if I don’t live up to your expectations. The incredible thing about Twitter is the ability to unfollow me and never see me on your timeline. Unless ofcourse some youre following retweets me in which case, that’s your own damn fault for following those douchebags.

3. There is NO number 3.

4. I tweet often. Sometimes I don’t. And that is my prerogative. If you like consistency, then you might as well stop reading this, go unfollow me and live happily ever after.

5. When I do tweet it’s mostly risqué or vulgar or potty-mouthed or what-have-you-may. Again, it’s an outlet where I can say what I want to. And just because I tweet about sex, drugs and rock’n’roll doesn’t mean I’m indulging in them or that tweet is the gospel truth because honestly who REALLY gives a fuck?

6. I usually go through all the TLs of people who follow me and I follow people who add value to my timeline. We might have met in person and got on like a house and I may genuinely think you’re great but if you’re not part of what ‘I’ find entertaining on Twitter, please don’t take it personally. This is just a FUCKING SOCIAL NETWORK. Jeez.

7. Lastly, I don’t want to be a bitch (ok, maybe I do) but if you dislike the way I tweet please don’t tell me. Twitter for me is fun. It’s an escape. An escape we can go on together, if you think it’s worth it. If not, I’ve never forced you to follow me. Let’s just get on with our lives and unfollow and go our separate ways. No regrets. We’ll always have memories. (haha yuck)

So, that’s all I have to say. 10x.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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