When i was just a little girl

When I was just a little girl I asked my mother what I will be. Will I be pretty will I be rich here’s what she had to say You will be hurt you will cry you will break your wings before you fly You will love you will care you will smoke in public so people stare When I was just a little girl all the trees seemed so way up high And the tea in my teapot was just like bit to bitter and I don’t know why Maybe it was the dirt that hid under my nails from digging the soil As I crumpled my white dress and smiled my first crooked smile

 Why are the stars so bright and the ocean so big Why is the moon so white and the smallest branch a twig Why when I clench my fist and rub my knuckles  do my hands tingle and my heart chuckles Why do I have to go to school mommy can’t I stay home Why do I have to learn mommy let me sit here here’s the comb Talk to my mommy tell me your tales let my hair be your canvas and my scalp feel your nails where’s daddy gone will he ever come back will he sit me on his knee and let go of his burlap will he tell me of his adventures and travels galore will they be interesting or is he a bore

 Daddy did come home with stories and tales from far away but what I remember most is what daddy’s eyes had to say love tenderly Michelle he said to me love unconditionally Michelle while I sat on his knee your heart will be broken and your head all messed up you will always feel like you’ve been given a slightly small cup and when you meet a boy you feel is just right for you size him up and divide your time for when he breaks your heart you’ll have a reason to rhyme

Why will he hurt me daddy why will he make me cry because we are human Michelle and our limits the sky and while he may hurt you he will also love you he will love your smile and your eyes he will not tell you of his untruthful lies but you take of your heart young girl because your heart is made of gold and all things nice with a pinch of sugar and spice

It’s equally important to listen as to speak Michelle my mother chimed in no one can tell your story unless you believe from within for the clouds are roads and the butterflies your endings your fingertips your guides and your beliefs and fears for the mending

And so off their laps and into the world I strolled head in the sky and curls on the ground there was nothing I couldn’t do or nowhere I couldn’t go for my mom and dad had shown me the world, you know

And I learned something new every day and I failed a test in every way I passed my grades and bunked college I was the youngest junior at junior college I was class valedictorian but never prom queen I knew how to light a flame but never an eyelash to preen

I sat in a lab all day and all night because boys couldn’t possibly be more interesting than this light I played with the chemicals and almost set myself on fire and oh me oh my nothing more I could desire I went through university the smartest girl there so smart I wouldn’t ever kiss a boy eww gross no never I wouldn’t dare

And now it’s all over and I’ve done all I could I passed all my tests and now I am good I’ve lived a good life and had a wonderful childhood with a mom and dad who always had a lap I am old enough to write you a story of college and friends and breakups and glory a story about boys and men and warriors a story of tears broken hearts and terriers.

He was but a boy trapped in an older man’s body he was but a child scarred by shoddy relationships and girls that had broken him to pieces hi my name is Charlie and i am wanted for reason hi i am Michelle no one ever wants me neither do you I know it dear Charlie I am a little girl trapped inside this body but I hurt just as much as you 12 ways to Sunday

I was raised a catholic but now I don’t know what I am will you help me dear Michelle be the best I can why Charlie you sweet little boy I will help you and you will help me get by and so they walked hand in hand until one rainy Christmas eve nothing went according to plan he loved her but couldn’t tell her because what would his friends think she loved him and paraded him around when she needed a drink

Because how could this be they were perfect for each other finishing sentences and lines one for another where would he find someone who’d look beyond his personality where would she find someone who didn’t call her ugly but he did one fateful night at the door the same night that her heart crashed to a million pieces to the floor

But I love you how can you let this go we’re not meant to be Michelle not now not ever not before but Charlie you promised forever and a day but Michelle I needed you only to light my way and on he went into the world he shattered picking up the pieces to meet another she fell to the ground and never got up this was that overflowing feeling from her very small cup

But she remembered to love tenderly and unconditionally and cheerily and forgivingly and all the other ly’s that were available she still yearned for him as she wrote this at her table but he couldn’t be hers because he didn’t know what was good for him she lived her whole life depressed and on a whim but tomorrow is a new day and she will survive a fire a broken heart anything she desires

This story she will write many more a time it isn’t over not yet just this rhyme

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