He is there.

A lot of my friends are atheist. A lot of them say that if God truly loved us, He wouldnt allow war or suffering or terrible troubles. A lot of them have given up faith and believe that man is in control of everything.

While i disagree, i know what they mean. I’ve lost faith countless times, i’ve doubted much more. But i know that at the end of the day, He is there.

As Joel Osteen said, “We all face challenges and difficult times. God doesn’t send these storms, but it’s in times of difficulty that we grow and become stronger. It is an opportunity to allow God’s Word to come alive in your life and see you through to victory. You can’t run from everything that’s hard in your life and expect God to deliver you immediately. God uses these challenges to stretch you and enlarge your vision. Remain faithful during your time of adversity. Make up your mind to serve God no matter what comes against you, and God will honor you. Remember God will not waste anything you go through in life. Simply remain faithful and fight life through. In God’s appointed time, He will promote you to new levels of victory, and you’ll live that abundant life that He has promised you!”

Whenever i have found myself in a storm and trying to fight it out, i sometimes forget that maybe God wants me to be in that storm to remind me that He is there. To embrace me and assure me that we will fight the storm together. To shield me from the mighty wind so that i don’t give up because my destination is just ahead. So that He can walk with me and heal my heart. He is there.

When I feel my prayers go unanswered and my surmounting problems will never end, I simply thank Him for everything that is already there and surrender my pain, for He is there.

And even though at times, I feel that God puts me through these trials because He knows i’m strong enough to get through it, i feel let down. I feel broken but then I realize He’s breaking me so I can allow Him to heal me. It’s only when I am broken that i turn to Him and rely on His strength and power and healing. He is there.

When I cry out to him, i don’t always understand everything I am going through but I know He values me and He is in control and He has a plan for me. Even if what i want i never achieve, I know His ways are better and even when all my friends desert me, He is there.

This is love. This is the love He shows me. With His love in my heart, i can love others. I can bring love to them and to those who so desperately need it in this disparaging world because He is there.

I will not give up what i believe in, what i aim for and what i have prayed for. Most important i will not stop trusting Him. There isnt a teardrop He doesnt see, never a moment He doesnt care, never a prayer He doesnt hear. He is there.

I know that the pain i go through everyday is the place that i need the most healing. And when i feel the pain and i am aware and feel it calm down, i know everything will be alright because He is there.

Whatever my cross, whatever my pain, even if i stumble or fall, He will hear it. Whenever i feel that i cant bear the pain, i know He is there.

All i know is that if you’re going through the same – Hang in there, know that this phase is temporary. Yes, it feels terrible. Yes, it hurts your heart, your soul but remember no feeling stays with us forever. Wait out the rough weather, it will pass.

He is there.

 

 

 

Truth be told…

So over the last week i’ve had a few revelations, delayed, but revelations none the less… I tweeted them out, just when i though about them, so i’m going to reproduce them here.

The saddest thing in live is when you fail to be creative. Or breathe.

I make no apologies for being as outspoken as i am. I make no apologies for being as emotional as i am.

I’d rather die with a light heart than a heart full of regrets and bottled-up emotions.

I’d rather let you know where you stand and how i feel about you and not regret it 10 years later.

I don’t know the reason why, my dreams don’t turn out right, still I’ll keep listening to my heart. Who knows, someday they might.

I like that even though the world around me is falling apart, i believe in hope. I am a dreamer and i live in my own world.

All of you can judge me all you want, by what i say, tweet or retweet, but it doesnt matter. I know who i am and i have nothing to prove.

While not all men are pigs, the ones that are teach us to love the ones that aren’t better.

I wouldnt want to live this life any other way, the scars, the troubles, the negatives have made me this way. No regrets.

I may talk filth but when it comes to loving the man i love, i’ve got an oldskool heart. I always give 110% – if that’s possible.

The good thing about being alive is that we have choices. Choices we are glad we made, choices that we learnt from. Perception matters.

Sometimes all you need is a glass of bourbon and some Jim Reeves.

It’s ok to be air-headed some of the time. But all the time just so you get popoular? That’s just sad. Be proud of your intelligence.

I’m okay with being ‘in-your-face’ and i will be once you grow a pair to be ‘in-my-face’.

Life is a learning curve. Battles pull us down, hope and life pull us up. We need to choose the battle worth fighting for.

We always hope a break will be right around the corner, but if we werent strong we wouldnt be here at all, yknow?

Do you know that feeling of anger and hatred that makes your heart psychically hurt? That’s healing.

Many of you here live your lives living up to other peoples expectations. So not necessary, be who you are. Nothing like it.

You don’t need people on the internet to validate you. Your existence is validation enough. Live up to your expectations.

I’ve missed me by changing for a lot of people, behaving a certain way. Falling over backwards, I missed me.

I’m here to be who i am. No masks. Either you like it or you don’t. You don’t HAVE TO like everyone you meet. That’s just scary.

Relationships come, relationships go. And that’s quite okay. They form the lines on our hands. The lines on our forehead. Makes us wiser.

Yes, i talk about sex and all that stuff you consider ‘gross’ but i’m also honest. I sometimes say things you wouldnt dare to.

We’ve given up our originality & voices because we dare to be politically correct. When we’re puled up for being controversial, we apologize

If heartache is the fashion, then i guess i’m in style. But when you are most emotional, that’s when change happens.

It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to let go, its okay to be angry. If God didn’t want us to have any emotions, he’d make us all politicians.

If everyone took the road more traveled, how boring would your life story be?

Women, you are worth everything and more! Don’t ever let a man touch you unless you are ready, if he truly loves you, he’ll wait.

When you stop changing yourself just so people accept you and you learn to love yourself is when you’ll be accepted.

When you’re fooling yourself into believing you are happy and in the midst of it all, you want to cry. CRY.

I don’t need your approval. I’d rather suffer the consequences than put up with knowing i messed up because i listened to someone else.

I’m old enough to know right from wrong and if i don’t, let me learn. I’ll learn better without you shoving it down my throat.

It’s okay. It’ll be alright. Remember to breathe.

I can walk with one leg too. So tear me down all you want. My mind is stronger than yours. It doesnt resort to violence.

Even if nothing good today happened, know that you have survived. Know that nothing good happens in little bits. Wait for the big blowout!

Today i realised that i’m strong enough to control the things i do. And with God on my side ANYTHING is possible. So what if you dont have everything you wanted in life? You have life don’t you?

The greatest thing about life is that i can ‘choose’ who i want to love. Even if it means that you dont love me back.

A million people will give you advice. A million people will shoulder your tears, but only you will be able to heal yourself.

Sometimes i miss you, sometimes it breaks my heart. But it also lets me know i am strong.

I’m okay with crying, even though it includes self-loathing. Because i make myself cry. Just like only i can make myself happy.

ALL my own thoughts, yes. COPYRIGHT! Also, i like how i am smart sometimes.

To all of you with your own battles that you are fighting, know that in this moment, you are strong. Dont stop believing!

So much love for you.

 

Conversations that let you know Life tries to cheer us up!

[Siddharth Basrur]
1:10am
michellllleeeee
[You]
1:21am
Siddddddddddddd
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:21am
wasaaaaa
and?
[You]
1:21am
wanted to call but didnt know whether you’d be free
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:21am
arrre
what time?
[You]
1:22am
Around 5 or so
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:22am
you shouldve called na
today was a good day
in most ways
[You]
1:22am
Was it?
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:23am
i lost my brand new gym shoes though
:(:(
[You]
1:23am
WHAT?
How?
Where?
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:23am
think i left em at the gym
[You]
1:23am
😐
Moron
Ask them if theyve found any?
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:23am
2nd time i used them
will ask tomo
[You]
1:25am
If it makes you feel better, i had a terrible blind date this evening.
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:25am
whaaa?
[You]
1:26am
HE WOULDNT EVEN SHUT UP!
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:26am
wher
who?
[You]
1:26am
I think he gave me mouth herpes
my friends set me up for him
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:26am
hahahaha
dude
[You]
1:26am
Throughout the entire date, i kept thinking someone will jump outta somewhere and say ‘You’re BEING PUNKED!’
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:26am
hahahahaha
[You]
1:27am
Not funny.
He had this annoying laugh
where he’d guffaw really loudly.
I didnt know him well enough to tell him to shut up
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:28am
aaawww
[You]
1:28am
he has 3 silver feelings and 2 bad teeth
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:28am
dont worry
[You]
1:28am
he didnt have to tell me
i saw it!
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:28am
hahahaha
[You]
1:28am
I wanted to stab him with my fork
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:28am
dont worry
[You]
1:28am
He excused himself to go to the loo and came back with foundation on his face
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:28am
you’ll find plenty of haryanvi mundas in gudgaon
dooood
seriously??
[You]
1:28am
Im sure he carrys a ladies handbag to keep his compact in!
I felt so ridiculous, i wasnt even wearing make-up!
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:29am
damn
sounds really bad
[You]
1:30am
Also he saw me type away on my phone and said ‘Aww, cute. You’re telling your mom that youre with an extremely gorgeous man for dinner, right? I know, i know, i have that effect on women!’
I wanted to strangle him Sidd.
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:30am
sheeeeee
[You]
1:30am
And kill him in cold blood!
He wanted to have dessert and i wanted to DESERT him!
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:30am
hahahaha
hilarious
this should go on your blog
[You]
1:31am
I wanted that big hole in the ground that everyone talks about to suddenly appear and swallow him up.
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:31am
save this convo
and use
it
[You]
1:31am
I will / 3 hours for dinner and i didnt get to even tell him my name. But i know his family history, im just surprised his last name isnt DOUCHE!
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:32am
sick
[You]
1:32am
Also he introduced himself this way ‘Hi, im stan, my friends call me stan the man, you can call me THE MAN’
He’s like the mayor of douchebagville
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:32am
right out of cheezy movie
[You]
1:32am
Where are all the nice guys Sidd?
Are all of them married?
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:33am
hahaha
[You]
1:33am
Or taken?
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:33am
i could ask the same q about the girls
[You]
1:33am
:(:(
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:33am
i always end up getting attracted to chicks with probs
issues
its like theres something written on my forehead
that draws them to me
i also need to learn how to chill the fuck out
and not think too much
[You]
1:34am
I think we were side by side when they were dishing this out
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:34am
and stay in the here and now
uhun
[You]
1:35am
:(:(
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:35am
last in line probably
its cool
we will live to find another lay
[You]
1:35am
Hang in there Sidd, if nothing when we turn 40 and if we’re still single, ill be your back up
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:35am
hehehe
sounds like a plan
[You]
1:36am
marriage of convenience
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:36am
hmmm
[You]
1:36am
And save ourselves from baggage
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:36am
yea
[You]
1:36am
and douchebags
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:36am
douchebags with baggage
[You]
1:37am
We just formed a new category! Previously named: Exes and Flings.
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:37am
hehehe
have you any friends that would like to have a fling with a nice boy
?
ive never had a fling
[You]
1:39am
All the women i know are in relationships or are unhappily married and flinging already 😐
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:39am
so gimme some unhappily married then!!
[You]
1:39am
I promise to change Delhi girls image soon!
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:39am
as in?
[You]
1:40am
Theyll be nicer to you! PWOMISE!
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:40am
aaawww
thanks
:):)
[You]
1:40am
You’ll like this or hate me —> http://i.imgur.com/8mPNz.jpg (nsfw)
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:41am
hahahahaha
sick
but
hahahahaha
[You]
1:41am
I wasnt sure if it was the horse or the girl
kinda like those confusing images where you have to stare really hard!
[Siddharth Basrur]
1:42am
heheheh
anyhoo
i gots to go
sleepy time is become
[You]
1:44am
Ok, you. Good night.

Funny Little World

While i explicitly crib about all the depression i’m going through, i sometimes forget to be grateful for all the good i have and all the good He has bestowed on me.

I am lucky i have another day to live, to breathe, to look for that one person who WANTS to be with me and will love me for me. Who will know my intentions are pure and even if i am possesive that it comes from a good place and that i care immensely.

This post is dedicated to all those stick by me in my quest, in my search for a better me. For all your phone calls, texts, Twitter Direct messages and even replies saying that you love me and i shouldnt be somebody i am not – Thank you.

I’ll take names here because you’ll are worth it, won’t link anywhere incase you want the anonymousity.

Kaveri, Ranjit, Surya, Werner, Warren, Kristopher, Moksh, Roberto, Sophie Ali, Jacyln Rae, Valeska and Natasha. If i have forgotten anyone, it isnt intentional. Remind me in the comments.While the song below is not relevant to us, the over-lying meaning is there. And i’m glad each one of you is part of my life. Forever love.

Suddenly I’m famous and people know my name
I’ve got a thousand girls just waiting and therefore it’s a shame
That my heart has been captured by your funny little smile
And finally I’m happy if only for a while

People call me stupid for treating you like a queen
But I don’t even worry ’cause you’re my unforeseen
And I hope that you’ll be with me if only in my dreams
But here you are next to me and you’re glad or so it seems

And I don’t know for sure where this is going
Still I hope for more and more
‘Cause who would know that you would treat me like a boy
And I treat you like a girl in this funny little world

Don’t promise me forever just love me day by day
No one knows the future, we’re young but that’s okay
‘Cause you’ll always be a part of me, whatever life will bring
And people have to bear with you, this silly song I sing

Your boyfriends might be angry, my girlfriends might be blue
But no one can deny it from now on I love you
And I have to say it’s new to me, this feeling in my heart
Guess I’ve been kind of lonely and you’ve been kind of smart

And I don’t know for sure where this is going
Still I hope for more and more
‘Cause who would know that you would treat me like a boy
And I treat you like a girl in this funny little world

And I don’t know for sure where this is going
Still I hope for more and more
‘Cause who would know that you would treat me like a boy
And I treat you like a girl in this funny little world, this funny little world

What I’ve learned.

Whatever has happened recently has been a huge HUGE blow to my self-esteem. It has made me feel small, worthless and not deserving or good enough. I beat myself up everyday over the fact that my life was ruined and i wouldn’t be a good enough girlfriend, daughter or friend.

Although the trouble started earlier this week, i feel like a year is already over and am ready for the world to end. I went out and let myself go the last few nights and I’ve realized there was so much of me that i lost when i tried to be ‘perfect’ for someone else.

In the last two days, I’ve learned a lot.

I’ve learned that i am capable of love and being loved. I have so much love to give whether to a partner, a friend or even an animal. I love unconditionally. I love without much judgment. If i suspect, i clear it out. And i continue to love. I confront and then i love again. I cant love someone who won’t ‘let’ me love them and if they make me feel terrible about ALL the love i give them, i CAN move on. I’m learning to love myself a little more everyday.

I’ve learned that in spite of my insecurities that i am desirable. That I’m still capable of being charming through my hurt. Unbelievable as it is, with all my whining and feeling depressed in the last few days, a boy (i know you’re reading this) came forward, bravely, and said he COULD take care of me. He said if no one could see how ‘wonderful’ i am, if I couldn’t see it myself, that he would show it to me. That, is love. That, is care. I couldn’t ask for more. While i declined, i know he’s made a friend in me. For a lifetime. To you, eternal love is just the beginning.

I’ve learned that animals are all the positive energy you need. I’ve been down, I’ve been almost suicidal, I’ve been in the dark. Nemo (my 4 year old pup, who thinks shes 100) has followed me around, slept near me making sure her body touches mine. She follows me to the bathroom, even and sits outside till I’m done. If i take too long, she scratches the door frantically until i let her know I’m still in there. That, is love. In its purest form.

I’ve learned that it is okay to make mistakes, it is okay to whine and most importantly, it is okay to cry. No matter what anyone says about crying, it’s therapeutic. It clears your eyes and more importantly it cleans your soul. So, the next time you feel like crying and let it all out: CRY. Know that crying isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign that you are in tune with your feelings and that you know you are man/woman/adult enough to confront them.

I’ve learned to trust my intuition. I can tell when someone is lying to me. Even if they’ve told me they wouldn’t lie anymore or promise to never do something in particular again, i know that they’ve lied after that. I’ve learned to let go because i know it will come back some day to hurt them and when that time comes, they will know where they went wrong. And they will feel sorry. I’ve learned to love them anyway.

I’ve learned that i can do anything i set my mind to, I’ve learned that it is okay for me to love someone even if they don’t love me back. I’ve learned patience, that the right person will come along. I’ve also learned that it is fine if i am alone, because if i love myself and I’m in tune with my inner being and that’s all that really matters. Everything else will fall on place on its own. Love.

I’ve learned that when the whole world walks out on you, you will ALWAYS have your parents, God and those who really care about you. It’s during the tough times you realize who your real friends are. It’s also during the tough times you realize that strangers aren’t bad either. Many people will encourage you, will motivate you and sometimes, someone unfamiliar giving you hope is just what you need. It also reinforces that there really IS love left over in the world.

So the next time, you’re down and out and feel like the world is ending, CRY. Cry for as long as you want but through your tears remember that the world doesn’t judge you, that you have a calling and that there is a purpose for everything. There is place for everyone this planet. Sometimes it’s difficult to see the good but you will eventually. Eventually. No matter the storm or destruction, the sun ALWAYS comes out at some point.

Believe in yourself. Love yourself. Just Love.

All my love.

Don’t give up!

So, i started by writing another one of those ‘letters to a younger me‘ posts but realized that a lot of the emotions i was going through were shared by a lot of those in my situations. So i decided to write this post for EVERYONE.

So here goes…

Life has changed in so many ways. You’re stronger, more independent and your parents are proud of you (Don’t be shocked; parents are capable of the good emotions too. Although sometimes, you’ll feel otherwise.)

Life has been rough but you’ve pulled through before, why give up now. Why let people get the better of you. Not worth it. So not worth it. Also you’re being stupid.

Be passionate about what you want, but live a little. And when you start to live, don’t make it a full time thing – GET BACK TO WORK. Learn to balance. Everything you choose to do, do it because you want to and not because you want to please people. Learn to enjoy being around people. Make friends; don’t neglect the ones you have because of a new muse or new friends. Keep your closest, close. Because when everyone else walks out on you, the friends you’ve had forever, will still be there. Don’t hang out with people who are secretly mean. You know who they are. If you are worried that they aren’t really friends, it means that they aren’t. Hang out with those you feel comfortable with even if they aren’t cool or ‘normal’.

Write more. It will let you get rid of pent up emotions and allow you to sleep at night and not binge eat. Also, cold pizza is the hatesex of food. Remember that, you’ll thank me for it. Be proud of all you have achieved. It took years to build it but you got there. You are independent and you may even have a dog. Love Music.

You picked a city to live in, you picked the toughest city to learn. And you survived! While it nutures you and lets you be the person you are, be true to yourself. It will give you friends you wished you knew earlier and also friends you will wish you never ever meet again. Get out of that cocoon you are in, learn to love. Love the world. It’s better than you actually think it is.

While you will be applauded for standing strong for what you believe in, sometimes walking away makes you the bigger person. WALK. At times when you think you know everything, take a step back. YOU DON’T. Well, not always. But I will tell you that you CAN handle anything. And you will come out stronger, no matter what you think when you are at your lowest.

You will love your parents, no matter how angry you are at them. You most probably get angry with them because you are scared of being away from them. Confront your problems, they aren’t as horrid as you think they are. Don’t work all the time, don’t party all the time. Breathe.

If you can’t find love that’s probably because you haven’t started to learn to love yourself. Do that and eventually everything else will fall in to place. Trust me on this. 10 years from now, you’ll be surprised at the things you accomplish, not because they were impossible but because 10 years ago they didn’t seem important. Never pass an opportunity to be better.

Go out. As much as you can. Avoid ‘liking’, ‘poking’ or retweeting. Cut down on your  addiction reliance frequent visits to Facebook and Twitter.  Stop procrastinating and start being productive.

Most importantly, NEVER EVER FORGET where you came from and who you are. You are where you are because of them. No matter what you say, you will be alright. We’ve got one life to live it and we’ll live it the best we can.

I believe in God. And i’m still cool.

Every once in awhile we all feel let down, disappointed and like the world is going to end. Well, not the last part but you get what i mean. This is the time i turn to God, i’m not religious at all. I dont think i need to visit a church weekly to let my God know i believe in Him and know that He is around.

I have faith. It’s what keeps me going in an otherwise dreary life. But i have also realized when life is good, i forget Him quickly. This time, i surrender all and i KNOW i have someone looking down on me.

Today has been hard. Im like a pseudo-zombie with mood swings, going from being happy and cheerful to self-doubt and misery. Music works for me.

I hope this song works for you, when you believe that nothing is really worth it, i hope it picks you up and blesses you just like i feel so blessed to have a God that is forgiving.

I also have the tendency to cause self-cut. The bleeding distracts me, the pain takes away from the mental torture. This song lets me know that God, loves me none-the-less, even with my scars. My scars will remain for a lifetime, but today i can change. I have faith.

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you’re stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don’t have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That’s what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

Soulmate

If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can get going without pep pills,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, no fault of yours, things go wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can ignore a friend’s limited education and never correct him,
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor, If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, colour, religion, or politics,

Then, my friend, you are as good as your dog.

I feel better. And i have no one to thank but my dog. She is my strength.

Life. Love. Bark.

Now Ol’ Red he’s the damnedest dog that I’ve ever seen

Got a nose that can smell a two day trail

He’s a four legged tracking machine

You can consider yourself mighty lucky

To get past the gators and the quicksand beds

But all these years that I’ve been here

Ain’t nobody got past Red

– Blake Shelton

❤ ❤ ❤

Aww.

We love. That's just what we do.

No one gets me through each day, except for her. She is my soulmate. The only one who truly truly cares.

My Very First SOLO podcast!

Listen in as i talk about my first podcast, things to NOT give your girlfriend and 3 awesome women!

Yeah, yeah, i know it’s completely amateur and is nowhere near some of the major ones you listen to.. but suck it up, i’ve just started!

Be nice. And leave me feedback in the comments section! :*