25 Summer Songs That Will Instantly Put You In A Good Mood

punkpolkadots:

DOZE DESCRIPTIONS ARE ACE!

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

It may not technically be summer yet, but it’s not snowing anymore hooray! Now that you can actually roll down your windows, here are 25 songs to turn up loudly and lower your shades when someone attractive pulls up next to you at a red light. Oh yeah.

1. Spin Doctors – Two Princes

Why is the lead singer trying to get this girl to choose him and also insisting she buy him flowers?

2. Shaggy – It Wasn’t Me

Shaggy is either the best defense attorney of all time or the absolute worst defense attorney ever.

3. Nelly – Country Grammar

If “shimmy cocoa puff” means something sexual or illegal, please don’t let me know. I like to just pretend that Nelly really likes cereal and I don’t want that to be ruined.

4. Hanson – Mmmbop

I would’ve loved to have been in the room when the…

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I’m glad we’re a generation of insensitive assholes.

Recently, I’ve come across multiple people outraging over the fact that a plane with 200+ people aboard has gone missing and other people have the audacity to make a joke about it. Such a bunch of assholes.

But you know what, I’m glad we’re a bunch of assholes. To me, that’s progress.

Before you go touting your bunched up panties  raising a self-righteous index finger, let me explain why I think it’s great that we’re a herd of insensitive, badly-timed, obtuse, emotionless assholes.

Considering the world has come a long way, not only have we developed through technology and other shizz but we’re also comfortable to laugh at ourselves, our country’s leaders, religion, death and your mother. And that says a lot. Considering our mothers were the original trolls. Our thick skinned mentalities allow less to affect us and in some weird way that keeps us focused on important things. Like cat videos on the internet.

So get your thong out of that throng and think about it for a minute, my ability to laugh at myself and others actually makes me that much more progressive. Because I accept that everyone has faults and that doesn’t make me judge you any less in your capabilities, mostly because I don’t care. And if I don’t care, I can achieve and applaud my own laurels, thereby motivating myself rather that sitting around and going ‘WHY ME LORD WHY ME?’

Progressively, because of our capacity to broaden our thoughts and be open to them, our brains have scientifically become bigger and more intelligent. So even if we live in a third world country, our minds aren’t resigned to the fact that this is the end-all. Look at some of your personal heroes or our role models of current times. There’s a sarcastic insensitive side to them that didn’t care for what people said they shouldn’t do because it goes against norms.

“Albert Einstein, you will never amount to much”

“Oh yeah? Well fuck you. And your mother.”

And in our search to be assholes about current topics, we often come across as ignorant or disconnected, quite the contrary, my dear prude. My attempt at humour is often a need to connect a current affair with something I’ve seen before which makes me informed and aware. I agree that that can be argued. But I get that there is a line, however more often than not what we say has an  element of truth wrapped up in hyperbole and histrionics.

And then there are assholes (worse than the insensitive witty kind) who are much less aware about a situation and are making inane comments about things they know NOTHING about just to sound cool; side effect of being dropped on the head multiple time during their childhood by parents with future-sight. I take no responsibility for them. Or their daylight alcoholic parents.

I’m a stickler for a good argument and I haven’t ever seen an insensitive knowledgeable asshole not give as good as a rebuttal your sister did, last night. No, but seriously, usually they have two ways to respond, they’ll either ignore you because this is 2014 and the world isn’t Mormon or they’ll justify their need to be an asshole and if they do, shut your mouth you backward peasant, because learn to take a joke that’s better than your mom.

Also sublimely, I think the ability for us gawdawful insensitive pricks to be insensitive and unscathed lends itself to the fact that we can (de)face anything. Fear is just an emotion our ancestors harbored for the unknown. What I know can’t hurt me and what I don’t know is just a topic waiting to be broken down. Fundamentally, I know enough to make a joke about something and stand up for it because people around the world need to learn to take a fucking joke. Also at the same time, assholes aren’t reacting to the core situation itself, they’re mostly reacting to overreacting drama queen sensibilities that most people acquire in the wake of tragedy or situations. Situations that didn’t matter 5 seconds ago but suddenly the world is clued in and ‘OHMYGOD I HAVE TO SHOW I CARE LIKE THEY WERE MY OWN I BETTER GET ON THE INTERNET AND WAG FINGERS AT EVERY INSENSITIVE ARSE.’ If they’re being insensitive about a person then I’m not here to defend those dipshits. They’re in a league of their own. Calm your tits, grandma.

Recently touted to be an insensitive asshole myself, let me tell you this, the fact that I’m comfortable enough to be insensitive about a current affair, would mean I’m also comfortable enough to laugh at myself. Unless I was a hypocrite, and no one likes a hypocrite. Not even me. So the ability to laugh at myself is a positive coping mechanism that not only improves my mood, it builds self-esteem. We live information-saturated lives; and in my search to determine what is significant, poses epistemological quandaries. So let me be witty about it, because as i initially said, it leads to mental capacity progress.

Ultimately, what I do with my thoughts, is my own problem. (If it was directed at you, you probably deserved it. If it was ABOUT you, then you’re so vain, you probably think this post is about you. ) I’m not here if to worry about your daft, unfocused, delicate social sensitivities. So, in conclusion, suck a dick. Like your mother did this morning.