She sat at her desk drumming words onto the table
She couldn’t put it to paper she wasn’t able
Her story was dark and her body was bruised
How could she let go she was already used
When I was 16 I stood as straight as I could
Because he said I should if I loved him
And I did as his hand swiftly fell across my face
And it stung like a bee on my hand that lay dying as his sting seeped into my veins and rose to the burning in my cheeks And his knuckles pressed into my stomach like a bulldozer digging into the earth to lay a new foundation on illegal land
When I was 16 I stood as straight as I could
Because I knew if I didn’t he would do all he could
To break my heart, my strength, my growth,
my nose, my hands, my legs, my little left toe
I loved him with all my heart
He loved me with all his strength that transcended into his fingers and onto my body
He loved me all night and right upto dawn despite my face so bloody
I traded my pride and dignity for dank car seats and bomb diggity’s
I traded my nose and thighs for bruises and sighs
I traded my family and friends for slaps and threats
What did I know when I was 16 and I stood as straight as I could
Love is a gift a silly child a little high a little low a little swift a little slow
A little wise a little show a little fun a little lame
He was the hunter and I was his game
When I was 16 and I stood as straight as I could
You see I grew up in a neighbourhood that taught me to love Love like I’ve never been hurt before
Work like you don’t need money
Dance like no one is watching
Sing like no one is listening
Live like there is no tomorrow
There was no tomorrow
When I was 16 and stood as straight as I could
This went on for years and also ears
Hospital visits and interventions and broken bones later
I was pulled away from love for a bit of time
I was pulled away from a life of beatings and crime
But I loved him and he loved me
He hurt my knees and my back and my head and behind because he loved me
I wanted him back I wanted him now
he loved me
Always wanting him wanting more than being locked in
Clothed in promiscuity and living on cheap pick up lines
I went back and clothed ourselves in false hopes
That he would get better than we will love harder
That we will love truer
That we will be newer
But what did I know When I was 16 and stood as straight as I could
For years I let him try to change and I could hear the voices in my head
Say no over and over and over again
But we didn’t speak the same language
Every no was met with a blow
Every stop meant a slam of the door
Into my stomach onto my hand into my face
Until my fingers could no longer trace
Could no longer trace the innocence of my skin
The purity of my soul, the contours of my cheeks
The laugh from my belly, the dimple in my chin
Could no longer trace me
And so he loved work more than me
He loved dance more than me
He loved music more than me
He loved life more than me
He loved her more than me
I LOVED HIM MORE THAN ME
When I was 16 and stood as straight as I could
I didn’t believe I was beautiful
Because from me that’s all he took
Until I hit back and hit harder than I knew I could
I ran as fast as my legs would
Away from this monster away from his arms
And into dark alley ways and suicidal barns
For I was the daughter of Geb and Nut
For I was as beautiful because I was made from gut
15 years later I no longer allow
Disrespect in relationships or fleeting ploughs
Into my insecurities because really that’s not fair
If you knew my past you would know you should
Because I was once 16 and stood as straight as I could
Get the word out! Please? :