Tag Archives: love
Happy Birthday MAMA!
My Mother taught me LOGIC…”If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me.”
My Mother taught me MEDICINE…”If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they’re going to freeze that way.”
My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD…”If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job!”
My Mother taught me ESP…”Put your sweater on; don’t you think that I know when you’re cold?”
My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE…”What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you…Don’t talk back to me!”
My Mother taught me HUMOR…”When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT…”If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.
My mother taught me ABOUT SEX…”How do you think you got here?”
My mother taught me about GENETICS…”You are just like your father!”
My mother taught me about my ROOTS…”Do you think you were born in a barn?”
My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE…”When you get to be my age, you will understand.”
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION…”Just wait until your father gets home.”
My mother taught me about RECEIVING…”You are going to get it when we get home.”
And, my all-time favorite – JUSTICE…”One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU — then you’ll see what it’s like.”
Get the word out! Please? :
10 things I know at 28 (in no particular order)
10. Heartbreaks aren’t fatal
9. Age is just a number. I know a 33 year old who doesn’t mentally seem a year older than 19 or look a day younger than 60.
8. Fish hearts can glow in the dark. I swear. I read it somewhere, not sure where. But they have phosphorous and if you make/write something with a fish heart, it will glow in the dark.
7. The banana-toffee-whip cream extravaganza at Suzette is the best damn dessert out there.
6. Finding someone to love, who meets your standards, is painful.
5. Antidisestablishmentarianism is the longest word in the English dictionary.
4. I’ve witnessed friendships that have last a reason, season and a very few that will be lifelong.
3. The first sentence in Ulysses is written in dactylic hexameter.
2. The longest English word is Titin. It’s a giant protein that functions as a molecular spring in humans which is responsible for the passive elasticity of muscle. Its scientific name has 189,816 letters. Click here if you want to try and pronounce it.
1. Sex that has no inhibitions or isn’t forced and is fun and you can laugh out loud during it, is often the best sex there ever was / is.
Get the word out! Please? :
When I was 16 I stood as straight as I could
She sat at her desk drumming words onto the table
She couldn’t put it to paper she wasn’t able
Her story was dark and her body was bruised
How could she let go she was already used
When I was 16 I stood as straight as I could
Because he said I should if I loved him
And I did as his hand swiftly fell across my face
And it stung like a bee on my hand that lay dying as his sting seeped into my veins and rose to the burning in my cheeks And his knuckles pressed into my stomach like a bulldozer digging into the earth to lay a new foundation on illegal land
When I was 16 I stood as straight as I could
Because I knew if I didn’t he would do all he could
To break my heart, my strength, my growth,
my nose, my hands, my legs, my little left toe
I loved him with all my heart
He loved me with all his strength that transcended into his fingers and onto my body
He loved me all night and right upto dawn despite my face so bloody
I traded my pride and dignity for dank car seats and bomb diggity’s
I traded my nose and thighs for bruises and sighs
I traded my family and friends for slaps and threats
What did I know when I was 16 and I stood as straight as I could
Love is a gift a silly child a little high a little low a little swift a little slow
A little wise a little show a little fun a little lame
He was the hunter and I was his game
When I was 16 and I stood as straight as I could
You see I grew up in a neighbourhood that taught me to love Love like I’ve never been hurt before
Work like you don’t need money
Dance like no one is watching
Sing like no one is listening
Live like there is no tomorrow
There was no tomorrow
When I was 16 and stood as straight as I could
This went on for years and also ears
Hospital visits and interventions and broken bones later
I was pulled away from love for a bit of time
I was pulled away from a life of beatings and crime
But I loved him and he loved me
He hurt my knees and my back and my head and behind because he loved me
I wanted him back I wanted him now
he loved me
Always wanting him wanting more than being locked in
Clothed in promiscuity and living on cheap pick up lines
I went back and clothed ourselves in false hopes
That he would get better than we will love harder
That we will love truer
That we will be newer
But what did I know When I was 16 and stood as straight as I could
For years I let him try to change and I could hear the voices in my head
Say no over and over and over again
But we didn’t speak the same language
Every no was met with a blow
Every stop meant a slam of the door
Into my stomach onto my hand into my face
Until my fingers could no longer trace
Could no longer trace the innocence of my skin
The purity of my soul, the contours of my cheeks
The laugh from my belly, the dimple in my chin
Could no longer trace me
And so he loved work more than me
He loved dance more than me
He loved music more than me
He loved life more than me
He loved her more than me
I LOVED HIM MORE THAN ME
When I was 16 and stood as straight as I could
I didn’t believe I was beautiful
Because from me that’s all he took
Until I hit back and hit harder than I knew I could
I ran as fast as my legs would
Away from this monster away from his arms
And into dark alley ways and suicidal barns
For I was the daughter of Geb and Nut
For I was as beautiful because I was made from gut
15 years later I no longer allow
Disrespect in relationships or fleeting ploughs
Into my insecurities because really that’s not fair
If you knew my past you would know you should
Because I was once 16 and stood as straight as I could
Get the word out! Please? :
When i was just a little girl
When I was just a little girl I asked my mother what I will be. Will I be pretty will I be rich here’s what she had to say You will be hurt you will cry you will break your wings before you fly You will love you will care you will smoke in public so people stare When I was just a little girl all the trees seemed so way up high And the tea in my teapot was just like bit to bitter and I don’t know why Maybe it was the dirt that hid under my nails from digging the soil As I crumpled my white dress and smiled my first crooked smile
Why are the stars so bright and the ocean so big Why is the moon so white and the smallest branch a twig Why when I clench my fist and rub my knuckles do my hands tingle and my heart chuckles Why do I have to go to school mommy can’t I stay home Why do I have to learn mommy let me sit here here’s the comb Talk to my mommy tell me your tales let my hair be your canvas and my scalp feel your nails where’s daddy gone will he ever come back will he sit me on his knee and let go of his burlap will he tell me of his adventures and travels galore will they be interesting or is he a bore
Daddy did come home with stories and tales from far away but what I remember most is what daddy’s eyes had to say love tenderly Michelle he said to me love unconditionally Michelle while I sat on his knee your heart will be broken and your head all messed up you will always feel like you’ve been given a slightly small cup and when you meet a boy you feel is just right for you size him up and divide your time for when he breaks your heart you’ll have a reason to rhyme
Why will he hurt me daddy why will he make me cry because we are human Michelle and our limits the sky and while he may hurt you he will also love you he will love your smile and your eyes he will not tell you of his untruthful lies but you take of your heart young girl because your heart is made of gold and all things nice with a pinch of sugar and spice
It’s equally important to listen as to speak Michelle my mother chimed in no one can tell your story unless you believe from within for the clouds are roads and the butterflies your endings your fingertips your guides and your beliefs and fears for the mending
And so off their laps and into the world I strolled head in the sky and curls on the ground there was nothing I couldn’t do or nowhere I couldn’t go for my mom and dad had shown me the world, you know
And I learned something new every day and I failed a test in every way I passed my grades and bunked college I was the youngest junior at junior college I was class valedictorian but never prom queen I knew how to light a flame but never an eyelash to preen
I sat in a lab all day and all night because boys couldn’t possibly be more interesting than this light I played with the chemicals and almost set myself on fire and oh me oh my nothing more I could desire I went through university the smartest girl there so smart I wouldn’t ever kiss a boy eww gross no never I wouldn’t dare
And now it’s all over and I’ve done all I could I passed all my tests and now I am good I’ve lived a good life and had a wonderful childhood with a mom and dad who always had a lap I am old enough to write you a story of college and friends and breakups and glory a story about boys and men and warriors a story of tears broken hearts and terriers.
He was but a boy trapped in an older man’s body he was but a child scarred by shoddy relationships and girls that had broken him to pieces hi my name is Charlie and i am wanted for reason hi i am Michelle no one ever wants me neither do you I know it dear Charlie I am a little girl trapped inside this body but I hurt just as much as you 12 ways to Sunday
I was raised a catholic but now I don’t know what I am will you help me dear Michelle be the best I can why Charlie you sweet little boy I will help you and you will help me get by and so they walked hand in hand until one rainy Christmas eve nothing went according to plan he loved her but couldn’t tell her because what would his friends think she loved him and paraded him around when she needed a drink
Because how could this be they were perfect for each other finishing sentences and lines one for another where would he find someone who’d look beyond his personality where would she find someone who didn’t call her ugly but he did one fateful night at the door the same night that her heart crashed to a million pieces to the floor
But I love you how can you let this go we’re not meant to be Michelle not now not ever not before but Charlie you promised forever and a day but Michelle I needed you only to light my way and on he went into the world he shattered picking up the pieces to meet another she fell to the ground and never got up this was that overflowing feeling from her very small cup
But she remembered to love tenderly and unconditionally and cheerily and forgivingly and all the other ly’s that were available she still yearned for him as she wrote this at her table but he couldn’t be hers because he didn’t know what was good for him she lived her whole life depressed and on a whim but tomorrow is a new day and she will survive a fire a broken heart anything she desires
This story she will write many more a time it isn’t over not yet just this rhyme
Get the word out! Please? :
To This Day by Shane Koyczan
When I was a kid
I used to think that pork chops and karate chops
were the same thing
I thought they were both pork chops
and because my grandmother thought it was cute
and because they were my favourite
she let me keep doing it
not really a big deal
one day
before I realized fat kids are not designed to climb trees
I fell out of a tree
and bruised the right side of my body
I didn’t want to tell my grandmother about it
because I was afraid I’d get in trouble
for playing somewhere that I shouldn’t have been
a few days later the gym teacher noticed the bruise
and I got sent to the principal’s office
from there I was sent to another small room
with a really nice lady
who asked me all kinds of questions
about my life at home
I saw no reason to lie
as far as I was concerned
life was pretty good
I told her “whenever I’m sad
my grandmother gives me karate chops”
this led to a full scale investigation
and I was removed from the house for three days
until they finally decided to ask how I got the bruises
news of this silly little story quickly spread through the school
and I earned my first nickname
pork chop
to this day
I hate pork chops
I’m not the only kid
who grew up this way
surrounded by people who used to say
that rhyme about sticks and stones
as if broken bones
hurt more than the names we got called
and we got called them all
so we grew up believing no one
would ever fall in love with us
that we’d be lonely forever
that we’d never meet someone
to make us feel like the sun
was something they built for us
in their tool shed
so broken heart strings bled the blues
as we tried to empty ourselves
so we would feel nothing
don’t tell me that hurts less than a broken bone
that an ingrown life
is something surgeons can cut away
that there’s no way for it to metastasize
it does
she was eight years old
our first day of grade three
when she got called ugly
we both got moved to the back of the class
so we would stop get bombarded by spit balls
but the school halls were a battleground
where we found ourselves outnumbered day after wretched day
we used to stay inside for recess
because outside was worse
outside we’d have to rehearse running away
or learn to stay still like statues giving no clues that we were there
in grade five they taped a sign to her desk
that read beware of dog
to this day
despite a loving husband
she doesn’t think she’s beautiful
because of a birthmark
that takes up a little less than half of her face
kids used to say she looks like a wrong answer
that someone tried to erase
but couldn’t quite get the job done
and they’ll never understand
that she’s raising two kids
whose definition of beauty
begins with the word mom
because they see her heart
before they see her skin
that she’s only ever always been amazing
he
was a broken branch
grafted onto a different family tree
adopted
but not because his parents opted for a different destiny
he was three when he became a mixed drink
of one part left alone
and two parts tragedy
started therapy in 8th grade
had a personality made up of tests and pills
lived like the uphills were mountains
and the downhills were cliffs
four fifths suicidal
a tidal wave of anti depressants
and an adolescence of being called popper
one part because of the pills
and ninety nine parts because of the cruelty
he tried to kill himself in grade ten
when a kid who still had his mom and dad
had the audacity to tell him “get over it” as if depression
is something that can be remedied
by any of the contents found in a first aid kit
to this day
he is a stick on TNT lit from both ends
could describe to you in detail the way the sky bends
in the moments before it’s about to fall
and despite an army of friends
who all call him an inspiration
he remains a conversation piece between people
who can’t understand
sometimes becoming drug free
has less to do with addiction
and more to do with sanity
we weren’t the only kids who grew up this way
to this day
kids are still being called names
the classics were
hey stupid
hey spaz
seems like each school has an arsenal of names
getting updated every year
and if a kid breaks in a school
and no one around chooses to hear
do they make a sound?
are they just the background noise
of a soundtrack stuck on repeat
when people say things like
kids can be cruel?
every school was a big top circus tent
and the pecking order went
from acrobats to lion tamers
from clowns to carnies
all of these were miles ahead of who we were
we were freaks
lobster claw boys and bearded ladies
oddities
juggling depression and loneliness playing solitaire spin the bottle
trying to kiss the wounded parts of ourselves and heal
but at night
while the others slept
we kept walking the tightrope
it was practice
and yeah
some of us fell
but I want to tell them
that all of this shit
is just debris
leftover when we finally decide to smash all the things we thought
we used to be
and if you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself
get a better mirror
look a little closer
stare a little longer
because there’s something inside you
that made you keep trying
despite everyone who told you to quit
you built a cast around your broken heart
and signed it yourself
you signed it
“they were wrong”
because maybe you didn’t belong to a group or a click
maybe they decided to pick you last for basketball or everything
maybe you used to bring bruises and broken teeth
to show and tell but never told
because how can you hold your ground
if everyone around you wants to bury you beneath it
you have to believe that they were wrong
they have to be wrong
why else would we still be here?
we grew up learning to cheer on the underdog
because we see ourselves in them
we stem from a root planted in the belief
that we are not what we were called we are not abandoned cars stalled out and sitting empty on a highway
and if in some way we are
don’t worry
we only got out to walk and get gas
we are graduating members from the class of
fuck off we made it
not the faded echoes of voices crying out
names will never hurt me
of course
they did
but our lives will only ever always
continue to be
a balancing act
that has less to do with pain
and more to do with beauty.
Get the word out! Please? :
Why I needed love yesterday
So yesterday’s little activity snowballed into this beautiful gush of snow, that I least expected. But I had my reasons for doing it. Selfishly so.
People who know me will know that Im not the most affectionate person and hugs from me are hard to come by. So obviously, this heartless woman is a fat ugly bitch who’s single on Valentines. All true. Naturally, you’d think I was someone who hated Valentine’s because sour grapes. I really don’t hate it, I just think it has unnecessary hype.
Nonetheless, when the office decided to pass around post it notes so we could send our ‘beloved’ colleagues fun ‘love’ notes, anything that requires sketch pens and post-its, I’m up for. So I set on my way writing note after note to people in the office i talk to on the daily.
We were expected to put them in a box to be hand delivered but my notes weren’t anonymous, so I just handed them over. For the notes that were in the box, they were read out, as we gathered around the HR lady. Over the course of that 30 minutes, there were various notes, fun notes, notes that made us a go aww and hmmm and lift an eyebrow because intrigue.
And then in between all the love and camaraderie there were notes that hurt. And what I realized was that I was singled out and the notes to me were not very nice. They took digs at my weight and someone tried to impersonate notes to my BOSS from me, saying things like ‘I like trees, you give me wood’ and the likes. I know I can be mean but these were downright disrespectful. I kinda know who the notes were written by because their scrawl was untidy and says a lot about their character. And hey, if you guys are reading this, you have to know that just because you feel threatened by me, stooping so low is not really going to take you anywhere.
But more importantly, regardless of how people are or your perceptions of them, EVERY ONE has feelings and mine were hurt. More so because this is not the first time that this has happened, I’ve often found derogatory notes at my desk before and I know people who talk behind my back. I chose to ignore because I know my work speaks for me and not every one HAS to like me. But yesterday, I was sad. And upset. And I cried.
I needed to believe that love existed and that it didn’t matter who was at the giving or receiving end. In the past, Twitter has pleasantly surprised me and I hoped that Valentine’s Day would be no different. And so I turned to you. All of you.
And y’all delivered. With all the love and happiness I could only hope for and more. And for a moment or more, I was transported away. Away from hurt and depression. Away from people who go out of their way to be mean and hurtful and awful.
I had no hand to play in this. I just wrote what y’all told me to. So more than anything Twitter, thank you. You made me happy.
Get the word out! Please? :
My name is Michelle and I think I am ready for love.
Hi. My name is Michelle and I think I am ready for love.
You see, after my last serious relationship, I figured it would be easy to just have lots of friends with benefits because I am a shitty girlfriend and I tend to over think everything and pre-empt the worst of scenarios. This way, there were no commitments and no strings.
For a while it worked.
I met boys. We got along. We had sex. We had lots of sex. We couldn’t walk. We had some more. We went home. Separately.
It worked but then I realized it wasn’t the sex that I craved for. It was like-mindedness. Two weeks after I distanced myself from the last sexual relationship, I met a man who pulsated my brain like no other man could. He could make my loins throb just by his passion for The Boondocks and Dr. Strangelove. I’d get weak in the knees while we talked in depth about transcendental numbers and Hausdorff spaces.
He was everything I wanted. Except, he was married. And while I generally am attracted to much older men, I couldn’t continue because I didn’t want to fall in love with wasn’t mine.
So, on the eve of the end of my 27th birth year, I decided I was going to look for love and not rush it and find a man who fits perfectly into my jaded being. His scars will cover my flaws and my arms will embrace his.
I want a man who doesn’t always take himself too seriously, who knows how to make sandwiches (for the times I disappear on an undisclosed holiday), who has a winning attitude to life.
A man whose eyes speak volumes and lips feel the power of a kiss. Whose ears have heard a lot more than they should have and mouth that hasn’t said much. A man whose favorite books are by Machiavelli but we could also talk about Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIHM.
A man who’s averse to glamour and chlamydia. Who likes his women smart and conscious that she has weight issues but is well balanced and sane when appropriate. Who knows the difference between right and wrong and has defined them on his own terms.
He likes puns and pancakes in bed the morning after. Who likes to cuddle and knows when to stop. Who likes monopoly and loves scrabble. Who wants to travel the world and NEVER have babies. Who wants a quite wedding in arch ways with his best friends as best men and can count his real friends on his fingers. Who values his parents and loves them because he wants to and does not have to.
Who will allow me to spend time with them and listen to their stories and what it was like being a teenager in their time and how they fell in love and if it has been easy. And tell them that even though I’m half their age, I have scars too. And they petrify me because I’ll never be the perfect girl, not alone, not without their son.
And even if I never meet them, or find him, a girl can dream.
Get the word out! Please? :
We were friends once
We were friends once
But then you decided to get judgmental
You didn’t know my story
You didn’t know my heart
We were friends once
But then you couldn’t grow up
You didn’t grow up
You didn’t know my heart
We were friends once
But then you fell in love with my best friend
You didn’t know I loved you
You didn’t know my heart
We were friends once
But then you chose to move countries
You didn’t know that I needed you here
You didn’t know my heart
We were friends once
But then you stopped
You didn’t know my heart
You didnt know my heart. We were friends once.
Get the word out! Please? :
Why.
If I had the chance to tell you what you don’t mean to me, I wouldn’t do it.
Mostly because you mean so many good things to me.
I’d take the earth of its axis and put it into your hands
So your fingers could trace the contours of land and know what it feels like to be lost
I’d paint pictures of happiness on the palms of your hands
So even when you close your eyes to cry, you are reminded of good things
Because I have you etched in the palm of mine
If I had the chance to go back in time, I would trust in your friendship and not let you down
Because I let pillows cushion your fall but I didn’t need to bend your knees
I’d let your strength shine through my weakness into the depths of my understanding
And let your smile heal my heart
If I had the chance to change it all, I wouldn’t change a thing
Because in your thoughts and your heart and your happiness
I found friendship
A friendship I didn’t know existed, A friendship plagued with fear because
One wrong move could end it all, just like this knife at the corners of my wrists
Staying still as droplets of blood form patterns of hurt around the ringlets of regret
If I had the chance, I would do nothing differently because in my moment of weakness
You chose your moment of weakness
In my moment of insecurity and fear
You felt insecure
The bottom of this glass filled with regrets has but only one.
I should have told you but I didn’t
It didn’t need to hurt you but it did
Perhaps, I’ll never really know what went wrong but just like a broken relationship
Between a man and woman I am an outcast
Not a victim by any measure
For someday when you understand me, you will know the things I did
For someone who needed me to be wrong so that I could help them
For someone who didn’t have a treasure like you
Who didn’t know that laughter was this beautiful
That the incessant quiver from your belly in joy is because of deep rooted happiness
Between you and I
That the softest touch is delivered by the roughest palms
That the bluest skies are formed by the twinkle of your eye
That every time the world kicked her down, there was some one like you to pick them up
I picked her up
Placed her on the small of my back and arched her out into the world
And while she soaked in the sunshine, I hid in her shadow of lies and contempt
But I stand
And perhaps you’ll never understand it
Perhaps you’ll never know why
But right here in this moment
In this one… slow… hurtful… fearful moment,
I stand for you.
punkpolkadots 